Treading water - time and patience

[NYCPeter]

More journaling, I can't sleep - woke up at 4:00am.

Sleeping in this spare room is like going to a prison cell albeit one where I can open the door, but I can't go into certain areas of the house.

We celebrated W's b'day with the girls at dinner last night - I put the girls to bed and W then put her PJ's on. W sat and read for a while and then went to bed, hardly any conversation or interaction after the girls were put to bed.

I feel like someone who is great to have around - pay the bills, look after the girls help with household chores, but not someone who my W wants to be intimate with. It's really draining both emotionally and physically - we seem no closer from a physical standpoint than we were 3 months ago. She clearly regrets lying down next to me the other morning.

W is going out with friends tonight to celebrate her birthday and we go to the theatre tomorrow night - it will be like going to the theatre with a complete stranger.

I know - time and patience but the the straw that breaks the camel's back will land soon.