OK, my take on this is that grieving is a necessary part of all of this. If the connection was deep then it may take a longer time. I garden, and some plants have very deep roots and will not even survive transplanting. So I think we heal at different rates. Just as we do physically. I heal from cuts about twice as fast as a friend of mine, same age, for example. It isn't wholly within our control, although we can help ourselves.

And yes, I have been through the stage of getting upset with friends who do not value their spouse and marriage. But that is actually their problem, and their loss.

But you do not need an acre yard, if it is more than you want to take care of. We have to think in terms of us, otherwise we are actually waiting for a rescuer from all of this. Someone who will ride in and make us all right again. Since you are a smart lady, you have rejected this.

I miss the touch too.

Is dating a social skill? And do you want to be with someone for whom it is? A very dear friend of mine met the most amazing man having been on her own for a very long time, and is blissfully happy. Curiously enough we had lunch a few months earlier and talked about settling for second best, and decided against it! She met him quite by chance, and he had been widowed for several years from a very happy marriage. Well worth waiting for I would say. Oh yes and she is about 5 years older than him - and he is very attractive

I think you are wise to recognise that you feel threatened by eradicating him from your head, but actually eradicating doesn't work - because it is a reaction, not a response. The response is to face the sadness as much as you can. Feel the pain [like you do in yoga] and work through it. Not all at once, but gradually, and it goes. Or it did for me. Now I have good memories, and see my most of my marriage as a blessing. He is still around but in a good way, at least for me.

And ADs and therapy are good if you have an understanding therapist.

Antonia, I relate so much to what you posted as the stage you are now at in time terms. All I can say is that it really does get better, and we truly do not know what is around the corner. It is a sign of depression when we cannot imagine it being better or different from what it is now. When you feel get that, please get help for the sadness. A relationship, as you know, is not a cure-all, and it is a problem in society that we think it is. A soluiton that even professionals buy into.