I'm Far from perfect

[aeolianchaos]

You backslid. Thats fine. You recognize it. You recognize the difference between what you were doing and what you did.

You're new at this stuff, and you are trying to make changes.

It almost never comes in a linear fashion. It's about how you deal with your failures that will determine how successful you are in the long run.

i didnt feel that bad about what i was doing, it didnt seem natural but it didnt seem that out of place.

I think this is what doing something differently than what you've always done typically feels like. Its going to take a while for this to become habitual for you - and new habits take more energy than old ones. You experienced this firsthand today.

You get a lot of credit from me for making an effort and reflecting on what triggered your old behaviors - you were looking for results from someone else though, and this is where I suspect you started to get very anxious. You can't look outside of yourself for the changes you are trying to make.

The changes are for you - and they will benefit your R. Not just with your W, but with other people in your life as well.


One useful technique is to 'preload' your decision making. This means, you can anticipate where you are likely to drop the ball, and make a decision about what you are going to do when that happens. This kind of practice is very useful in 'programming' yourself to make a better decision under stress.

For example:

IF I find my heart starting to beat faster in my conversation with W, THEN I will take a deep breath and relax my muscles, and look for a way to defuse the situation.

IF I find myself having a discussion that I know is going to blow up on me, THEN I will directly acknowledge it and suggest we talk about something else.


You can do this - it takes work, but you can do it. You probably know what it feels like when you start a discussion thats going to spiral out of control. It's okay to not keep having it.