Unfortunately I cannot reply in full at this time but wanted to touch base and "track" the thread. You will get some good advice I'm sure.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but some time ago, didn't you post a letter FROM your h to you?
If I recall correctly, it was bittersweet "goodbye for now" letter, in which he explained his reasons and hopes for the break. That you'd both benefit and that he "had" to do it.
You also said he made valid points. You seemed to gain some clarity from it.
Can you read it again and see if any of it rings true or hollow now? Can you repost it?
Regardless, you are facing the dilemma of a widow, in effect. Your h, the man you knew OR THOUGHT YOU DID...is gone from your life.
We all have to wonder that very thing--Were we blind to the "real them"? OR did they simply change dramatically?...
I think both happen in life.
But you are too smart to have been fooled for long.
IMO, your h changed.
Regardless, the old h is gone and there is, as you said, no reason to expect the old h to return. Plus, even if he did, you say too much damage has been done anyhow. Which means you are, in effect, a widow.
Let that sink in.
Give it time...and thought...for real.
And then see if looking at it that way, yields fruit with some forward movment.
(And see if you can find that old letter!)
Hang in there.
The first step to getting unstuck is knowing it's all up to you.
It'll happen. You will move forward. You don't have a choice...
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
