I'm sorry, sweetie. I know this hurts so much. It hurts because you love him deeply.
I agree with Bea. Tell whomever you need to that you would rather not know what your h is doing. It serves no purpose to you.
Your h is in crisis. It is plain for you to see. I know sometimes that knowledge still doesnt stop the hurt in your heart. Again, because you love him deeply.
G, you have chosen to stand for right now because you believed in your vows. And while your h might not be living them, you are.
This is so hard. Really hard. The very best thing for you to do is try harder to detach. Not from the love you feel, not from the vows you took, but from the actions of your h.
Dig deep to figure out what you need to regarding yourself. Put your marriage in a box, store it safely away.
Now, what would you be doing with your life? What if you knew absolutely that he was not coming back. After the grieving, what would you be doing?
Do that.
What are some places you always wanted to visit? Some sports you always wanted to try? Some activities you always wanted to do?
Do them.
What memories do you want to make with your son?
Make them.
Move forward in your life.
I know that you miss what you had, miss your h. I do. But right now, he is on his journey. Let him take it.
Love him enough to let him go.
That is the greatest act of love you can show.
It is ok to feel as you do. Try to feel it, then let it go.
