kml, I agree with you I don't really see what he did wrong other than fall out of contact for a little while. I don't see that as not being interested, I just see that as busy. Sometimes life happens.
I think that sometimes after what we have been through and after DBing we are too hyper-vigilant and to be honest we have good reason to be, however it makes us analyse every interaction or lack of. What does it mean etc etc. I have really tried to step back from doing that because it is exhausting and doesn't really help much as it creates drama out of little things.
Yes - I think you hit the nail on the head here. I'm hyper-vigilant and creating exhausting drama where none needs to exist. I think I need to take the focus off of him and just wait more patiently for the chips to fall where they may. It will be what it's going to be - all will be revealed in time.
Barb - I appreciate you looking out for me, I really do
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When I wanted a new relationship - I set priorities. First - someone who had a career - made the same or more than me (because there was no way I was going to support someone else) - someone with great values and goals for themself - someone who had not cheated on his past lover - etc.
WEll - economically he's not quite where I would prefer that he be, but having been married to a man who made boatloads of money but spent more than he earned - I'll take a guy who lives within his means, works hard, and being 9 years younger, has a longer work horizon that I do. His business has the potential to eventually make as much money as I do.
He does appear to have great values, puts family first but with healthy boundaries, his friends all think the world of him, doesn't appear to have any substance abuse issues, has healthy hobbies he is passionate about, is a good dad.
And to the best of my knowledge, he doesn't have a history as a cheater. The mother of his 9 year old left him AND the baby when the baby was 2. She has custody now but he was a solo dad for a while. I don't know the whole story but my impression is it was a classic WAW situation.
Obviously, I don't know everything about him yet. But he SEEMS to be a kind, gentle, smart, loyal,family-oriented guy. The drawbacks I see at the moment are: - his poor communication (which may be a factor of his extreme busy-ness, or may be a style that could become a problem - we'll see) - his lesser education - not a problem for me, because he is smart, well-read and capable, but it remains to be seen whether HE will be bothered by the difference. So far he doesn't seem to have an attitude about it. - his lesser exposure to the larger world - due to his impoverished background, he really hasn't traveled much and hasn't experienced a lot of things (like snow! and blueberries!) although he longs to travel. I came from a pretty blue-collar childhood but have had much greater travel opportunities as an adult. I would enjoy sharing those experiences with him - my only worry is that he might feel uncomfortable with my more sophisticated friends? He seems, however, like a guy who is comfortable in his own skin. Again, it's not a worry for ME - I just don't want HIM to have an attitude about our differences here.
