Totally confused

[alone]

Kinda rushed through my last post, my sister called in the middle.

I was thinking that I should not have gone on the hike with him, but during the hike I was glad I did. I was glad that it is me that he is sharing his time with and having fun. The other woman only gets phone calls, texts and emails. I have the advantage of being in the same area as him while she is 1000 miles away. The advantage that she has is probably the excitement of someone new and that he does not have to deal with the hurt that he has caused. I do not think that I would have been able to work on this if she lived here.

One of the hardest things for me right now is that I am having a hard time at the house. This used to be a home where I shared my life and dreams with my husband. I wanted to keep it up like I did my marriage. Now I just live in this house that I have to keep up.

How do you deal with the thoughts of the person that always helped you through the tough times is the one causing your pain and can't be there for you. But if the OW needed him he could comfort her. I just wish that I could be held and told that things will be all right.

Guess that I should not want so much at least he is not mean and wants to spend time and work on our marriage. I guess that is what he wants from the last talk saying that he does not know. Since we are spending time together, his counseling, and scheduled talk the evening after his first counseling. He wanted to talk after his appointment.

Hopefully after I go through this and learn, I could give my support and knowledge to other members.