Just Be 2

[cat04]

Denver, have you thought about what you need from her for you to give the M another shot?

I have CS.

1. Clear statement of commitment and desire to work on M.
2. Some clear action showing true commitment to work on M.
3. Willingness to begin MC.
4. Willingness to sign up for and go to Retrovaille.
5. No contact with OM.
6. Show me how she is going to accomplish no contact with OM.
7. Some sort of transparency plan for both of us until trust is reestablished.

Denver,

I asked you this question many many months ago.

I will be really honest and say I don't like your answers. They are not specific enough.

They are very focused on the immediate problems and really have nothing to do with how you envision reconciliation...

What do you envision the M looking like?

Are you guys friends? Are you equal coparents? Are you partners?

What do you want your future to look like? Who are you and what feeds your soul?

A huge house in the city? A shack in the mountain? Fishing and hunting and a relaxing life style and someone who loves to cook and craft and be simple? Parties and lights and the "nightlife" on the weekends?

Right now, you are in limbo, although a bit different than what you were...

You have created a situation where she is showing a bit of interest (and yes, she is trying to engage R talks and find out what you are doing)...

You are still looking toward the goal of reconciliation but you don't know what you want beyond that...

Your OW, while giving you your "mojo" back, has also distracted you from knowing yourself. Knowing what you want...

She is giving your W the opportunity to feel jealousy. Is that the reason you want her to return to you?

Why do you want her to return? What is it about your W that makes HER the person you want to spend your life with?

Answers that will serve you...

Answers that you don't seem to have a great grasp of...

You have complicated the situation with the OW. You are now having the great "no contact" debate on your thread...

Regardless of contact or none, regardless of the OW, you still have bigger issues to look at, bigger questions to answer, and I think you are doing a wonderful job avoiding those things...