blah

[grr]

it sort of is a drag when people can easily see what my h is doing and with the age of internet, let me know very quickly

he has been out on the road most of the summer and apparently has a different girl each night

what exactly he does, i don't know and don't want to

but i do know or have heard that he gives his phone number out freely now

and he invites girls back to the hotel to "hang out"

this from a guy who always hated that sort of behaviour from his associates and was so private, that he hated to give out his number

it just hurts but gives me more reason to move on faster

and if i was on the fence on whether or not this is a mlc, i am fairly sure of it now

his actions are that of a different man's

anyway, just journaling because i have to vent somewhere

hope everyone is well this weekend

[Truegritter]

it sort of is a drag when people can easily see what my h is doing and with the age of internet, let me know very quickly

And will continue to be so...

Until

You understnad what you are doing with such convition that it no longer matters what othe people think or what you are doing.

By that I mean:

Why are you endeavoring to put yourself through this?

For certainly you expected this at least.

No?

And maybe worse down the road.

And the thing is, it aint that.

Cause if it were then maybe you'd quit?

No.

This is for YOU. NO ONE ELSE.

Cause NO ONE else cares about he outcome but you right now.

So what lies at the end?

I can say not what you think and not maybe what you started after...

All the same it is a worthy quest.

[grr]

hi true,

while i appreciate your comments, and yes, i did expect this

i kind of know that he has to go through this

and why don't i quit?

i don't know - i suppose i am not ready

hopefully i will get there soon, because this stuff hurts like heck

it really does

i can take more than i ever thought, i guess

and i don't know whether it is fear of the unknown or just an (as of yet) undying love for my husband

because he is the father of my child

because i thought that marriage meant forever

i just don't know right now

[beatrice]

Hi, I don't think True was suggesting that you quit. They do the most awful things in MLC and become the opposite of all they once were.

Love doesn't die, at least in my experience. What we are having to do is separate out a lot of stuff. Our love for who they were [and may still be buried under all of this garbage], but recognise we do not love many aspects of the person they now are, and never could have. If they had been like this when we met them we would not have married them . . . .

I do think it is better to tell people who relay stuff to you that you don't find it helpful. No point causing yourself unnecessary pain - there is emough of the other stuff around for now.

[dl443322]

I'm sorry, sweetie. I know this hurts so much. It hurts because you love him deeply.

I agree with Bea. Tell whomever you need to that you would rather not know what your h is doing. It serves no purpose to you.

Your h is in crisis. It is plain for you to see. I know sometimes that knowledge still doesnt stop the hurt in your heart. Again, because you love him deeply.

G, you have chosen to stand for right now because you believed in your vows. And while your h might not be living them, you are.

This is so hard. Really hard. The very best thing for you to do is try harder to detach. Not from the love you feel, not from the vows you took, but from the actions of your h.

Dig deep to figure out what you need to regarding yourself. Put your marriage in a box, store it safely away.

Now, what would you be doing with your life? What if you knew absolutely that he was not coming back. After the grieving, what would you be doing?

Do that.

What are some places you always wanted to visit? Some sports you always wanted to try? Some activities you always wanted to do?

Do them.

What memories do you want to make with your son?

Make them.

Move forward in your life.

I know that you miss what you had, miss your h. I do. But right now, he is on his journey. Let him take it.

Love him enough to let him go.

That is the greatest act of love you can show.

It is ok to feel as you do. Try to feel it, then let it go.

You can do this.

[grr]

beatrice thank you for your words....

it is hard and unfortunately the people who are letting me know this are people i do not know....it is the age of being able to find anyone and that is what is happening

my friends would never do this, crazy "superfans" as we call them

but his behavior is such that it is being noticed by many of them

as always brooklyn, you are so correct and wise

i am trying so hard to detach

i think these things make it easier, because i do finally believe that this is mlc,,,i was not sure before
j

y

[beatrice]

Yes, it is hard when people you do not know tell you stuff. They are shameless in MLC - it is akin to narcissism.

Perhaps you need to be able to find a way to filter this stuff? If this is possible.

Tough on you to have an audience on your h's very public MLc.

[figgeroni]

Maybe if you try looking at it like a sickness...and even maybe when someone tells you something, get that sort of look on your face...like it is a disease

you know

that

that you for sharing that you saw their liver fall out of their body...I know they are dying and you sharing the actual process is painful for me...it is enough that I know

that kind of thing????

I pretended like I knew all the crap that my ex was doing...someone would tell me some shenanigan or other and I would say, yes, I know. I def. did not know all the details but it took the wind out of their sails....they were telling me to get a reaction. I didn't give them one...they stopped when they never got one from me, no matter what they told me

[grr]

thanks for the advice, but these people contact me via internet.......and i guess could change my email, but because of lindken and the like, it is easily obtainable..

but really, it is a sickness and i will look at it as such

in the meantime i am more and more ready to move forward without much concentration on my h (if i can even call him that)

my main focus has got to be my son

and beatrice, yes it is awful to go through this with an audience....

[figgeroni]

you could email them back with a thank you note

thank you for keeping me informed of my husbands affairs
as he is my husband
I am already aware
but
if I ever need any updating
I will be sure to remember you email address
and
if I get any hot gossip of my own
i will be sure to pass it on

have a wonderful day!!!