Can my blah blah blah?

[25yearsmlc]

Sometimes when the storms of sadness/fear thunder all around us, we have to stand in the doorframe of the house and simply wait to let the winds pass by

and in time, our moods lift, like the clouds.

I think it IS progress that you don't know what you want.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder..." OR

absence makes the heart go wander"?? IDK...

just sharing with you some of my old thoughts and ideas.


We don't know why your h did what he did. You know some of your part in it, and that's truly all you can address. Own it, fix it, forgive yourself and let it go.

You'll be a better partner for the next R in your life, which we MIGHT hope is with your h...

But you cannot let the measure of your happiness rest at all, on HIS misery or happiness.

IOW, if he were gone but miserable, that would Not MAKE you happy.

Nor should his apparent happiness MAKE you miserable.

The two really are unrelated. They MUST be and you can make sure they are.

But I empathize with your fear about him being "right".

I'm convinced many A's lead to marriage and stay married longer, b/c of the desire for the WAS to be "right".

All the LBSer can do is not force them into each others arms more, by challenging them or condemning them all the time.

Plus, even with all that ego motivation of the WASs to be "right", 2nd marriages that begin as affairs, still have about an 80% divorce rate...not too hot.


Girl,
Your happiness is all up to you. Right now you don't believe that b/c you are so hurt.

But ultimately, Yes, Your happiness is ALL up to you.

When you come to KNOW this in your mind and heart, you'll have "arrived".


((( )))



PS
I'm almost afraid to post this...seeing as we just celebrated our 30th. And I don't want to lose a child to test my beliefs below.

But I believe that if my h were to die or divorce me tomorrow, in time, I'd be happy and fulfilled again.

Before our crisis and my DBing efforts, I'm not sure I knew that. But I do now.

I'll never let myself fall that low or be that sad b/c of another person's choices again.

Someday I hope you come to this place I'm in. It's very empowering.