yes i have been reading posts for the last month or so, following as many people's situation as i can, specially the ones that seem close to mine, it helped for sure seeing that things can get better, just thought i might need a bit more since her not having a place to sleep and me with an extra room and her not willing to stay under the same roof that i better get myself under control more/faster/better.
ill do my best to not try and get tempature checks from her, but its hard to not be like look at all these things im doing differently... i found a great post that talked about change, and how it will take her a while to feel like its real. i know she thinks its fake still. every day in the last 3 months of so up until about 2 weeks ago, we would hang out, have a good time and then BAM i would start talking R and ruin it.
i still have a good 4-5 months of DV classes left, so im half way there, i am very active in my group, i know its the best thing that could have come out of all of this, and being controlling does have a few roots in my childhood, though not all. i was selfish, i wanted what i wanted and i didnt want to be hurt or vulnerable to anyone. the classes do help, they show me some tools that i need to use, very simular to DB'ing. GAL for sure, not being so isolated, not having her be more than 20% of my happiness. only i can make myself happy, not someone else. not to always point out what she ISNT doing and to celbrate the things she can do and handle at this stage.
its hard to stop begging her if we just could jump back in i know it would work. it seems so logical. but i realize its not about me, its about her and the time and space she needs to sort out a lot of stuff. meanwhile i need to make myself look more attractive to her. so ill be working on some goals in the next few days that im off.
**update on today, we met for lunch, she brought 3 kids with her, i blew it for a good 15 minutes of my hour lunch. im not her friend on facebook, and she is very guarded with her phone, so i of course start accusing her of trying to hide baby daddy and their relationship from me. it turned into a fight for a few minutes til i got myself under control, and dropped the rope and asked to have a good rest of the lunch, even though i was the one that ruined it to start. i really shot myself in the foot when she does see me, then i jump on her verbally like that, why would she want to plan to see me again when that happens every time!!!! sheez. and i KNOW not to do it!!!
*** tonight she is going out with brother, i knew this and planned on making swap with kids go quickly... just got text from her...
wife: brother wants to meet 8 815 if you can get home quickly, i know youll probably be upset cuz im running out the door, but i did tell you i had plans....
i didnt respond yet, but obviously past interactions show up big in how she is assuming im going to be. going to do my best to make sure she meets him at 8!!
