My feelings are changing...sitch isn't

[tadpole1025]

Thanks AJ, Antonia, Brooklyn and Seeking.

Things are getting easier for me, but I still can't help but hold onto hope.

I wondered last night if when she says things like "I've been wanting to leave you for 5 years" if those are her true feelings or the MLC talking.

Seeking, you asked what scares me about her not seeming to be in "crisis mode." It is a lot like what Antonia said. I guess I feel there is still a chance if she is.

The initial high of getting their freedom wears off. She may be finding the grass isn't greener and the same mundane things she had to deal with while you were together are still there.

I think she may be at this point or fairly close to it. I also think that after our mediation the other day, that she is starting to realize that her "fantasy life" may not be coming true. She may be realizing that she isn't going to get everything thing that she thought she was "entitled" to.

It is interesting that she goes to the courthouse with you and has none of what she needed to complete the transaction of deeding the house to you. It just goes to show how messed up she still is.

True. Matter of fact, she was still filling them out when I arrived.

Really would like to hear about you and what you're doing and working on.

Right now, all I can really concentrate on is being a great dad and I think I've done that pretty well. I've looked at some of the stuff that W accused me of. I'm working on the stuff that stung. Trying to be a better listener, more understanding, less uptight, less critical....

As for other goals, I would like to find a different place to live but I'm pretty much in limbo until my job starts. I did get an official start date though! They called and told me that I'll be starting on August 19th. I've got a great schedule too. I'll work 4 ten-hour days. Mon, Tues, Thur and Friday. Basically a Monday-Friday job with a day off in between. Awesome.

She needs to see that you have made changes and to see if they are real. And trust me, even is she isnt in contact with you, if she wants to know about you, she will figure out a way to find out.

I hope so.

Your job is to give her the space and time to figure out (is she chooses to) that it is her.

This scares me too. She has never been one to admit that she was wrong or made a mistake or admit that something is wrong with her.

I get the feeling that now, for some reason, she thinks that she is too good for me.

You did wonderfully at lunch. The exact things that you didnt do allowed her to see you in a different light.

Thanks Brooklyn. I hope so.

Remember I mentioned early on she may try to come back? She likely has a strong pull to do that. But it wasn't very long ago that she mentioned you had your chance (which is nuts of course) remember?

Haha. Yes I do. It is funny, I'll start thinking sometimes that maybe it isn't MLC, but then I'll remember something that she did or said that convinces me that yes, she's nuts.

I've had a decent day. We had a thunderstorm roll in here at about 5am and I went outside and enjoyed it. Spent some time by the pool. Now.....laundry time. I've put it off long enough.

BTW - if she asks, I will not go to lunch with her on Tuesday even though I would love to.

Tad