That's what I'm planning: Set up an appointment on Monday.
What stinks is that the letter reads like my wife is entitled to take our son because she feels she is and always will be the primary caregiver. Baloney.
That's what I'm planning: Set up an appointment on Monday.
What stinks is that the letter reads like my wife is entitled to take our son because she feels she is and always will be the primary caregiver. Baloney.
I'm glad that you have an appointment with a L. Please be prepared for fireworks, because she will be angry when you don't go along with her plan. It doesn't matter. Stayed focused on the reason you are doing it and that is your S.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
LITB - Yes, fireworks to rival the 4th of July. I just need to not fear the confrontation.
As for my request to have another night with our son per week, this is what I drafted as part of my monthly bill email to her. I will send it closer to midnight.
"Also, I'm just wondering if you'd consider E being with me an extra day (or overnight) a week. Maybe it will help with giving E a more balanced week with either of us. Do give it some thought and let me know. Thanks!"
That will work Alamo. It probably doesn't matter how you ask, because you are going to encounter some resistance.
Based on what I have experienced dealing with this, don't get caught up in any R talk or rehashing of the past. My W tried to justify her entitlement by vilifying me as a father. Always try to stay positive and end the convo before it gets too far.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I hope that she will see that a more equal time with mom and pop can be important for our son. That is my main purpose for this request, because ever since she basically abducted our son from the familial home, I feel like our son (and honestly, his father) have missed out relationship-wise.
I expect a big storm from this and from her 1-month trip to South Carolina. Please pray for me, guys.
I hope that she will see that a more equal time with mom and pop can be important for our son. That is my main purpose for this request, BE brief and CLEAR that This^^ is the main reason. But Feel free to admit that YOU would miss him terribly and HE'LL miss YOU, and that matters. YES, so will she.
Gee, I guess that's what happens when you are in the medical profession and have kids and give up on your m... Not being punitive, but not enabling either.
why on earth should YOU [b]AND SON pay the price for her career choice?? Geez, she wants all the career credit to be hers BUT the costs of the career choices to be YOURS? Deja Vu.
Just be sure to show her the NEW ALAMO, the confident SECURE guy you now are...and CALMLY support your point of view.
Don't engage in the marital history review. You already owned up to your stuff, and now you want to move forward in life as a healed man. No more hair shirts.
[/b]because ever since she basically abducted our son from the familial home, I feel like our son (and honestly, his father) have missed out relationship-wise. Don't forget the abduction. If you can firmly but gently remind her of this, it'll help. No, NOT in the short run, and don't expect an immediate positive reaction.
But at some level she KNOWS it was wrong to do. It's okay, even good, to admit that you know it too.
I expect a big storm from this and from her 1-month trip to South Carolina. Please pray for me, guys.
I think you'll do fine if you keep the focus on your son, whom she KNOWS adores you...and your rights and wants as a father. Remember, down dee[, she's glad you are a good dad.
It's okay to play that daddy part big, b/c it IS your role in this show.
Be the hero. The hero is the good, kind, attentive dad who protects his son from too much transition & separation from his loved ones. The hero doesn't care if the others know of his heroism or object to it or get mad (a REAL HERO!!) as long as he protects his treasured ones.
You can empathize with HER pending loss of time with him and how you feel bad for Her (do this with no reproach...she's going to feel guilty as a mom.)
When I joined the Army -FOR H-- I had to go away for 4 months of Army training
(think "Private Benjamin" only as a lawyer officer. Which was worse sort of, b/c I had no idea wth I was doing but I was supposedly a leader. My first salute back to a lower ranking soldier, and my glove flew off into the air and my keys dropped, and it got funnier as the weeks wore on...)
BUT I was gone for all that time and our son was only 15 months. After getting permission, I drove home almost every weekend, which wasn't easy but I saw the other 3 moms in our class (of 80) and none of them got to see their kids at all, as 2 were too far and the other one seemed to want the break from her h...oh, yes, they divorced. But I literally cried every Sunday night as I drove back to the JAG School...
it'll be very tough on her.
But better that, than tough on HIM AND YOU.
You can assert your rights as a dad AND as your son's protector without making her "wrong"...kwim?
And --I TRULY believe HE will be better off with you and that comforts me.
If you agree, then that must be enough for you to know.
IF you cave in on this b/c you are conflict avoidant (=afraid to rock the lovely smooth boat you are in b/c...what? She'll get mad? And then what will she do, leave you? Oh wait..she already did that.
You know respect is something lacking in the R. Don't lose more of it by caving in to her, & letting your son down.
Caving in is NOT good for HIM... Be strong for him and for you...
do this for him first, you second, with gentleness to her. And you won't go or be wrong, no matter what her reaction is.
When you discuss this or have intereactions with her, it's VERY IMPORTANT that you show NO anger at her for this.
Just asserting yourself as a father protecting his son. She cannot hate you for THAT.
BUT I would NOT ALSO ask about the additional night w/son NOW, given that you have this rotation issue cropping up now. You know, pick your battles and all.
If you cannot make this happen without it getting ugly between you two, (fighting or her threatening)
then she leaves you no choice but getting a L.
I cannot see how she'd prevail on this in court, btw.
I'll pray for you. Be strong Alamo. Forgive yourself for the past, and
SHOW HER THE MAN YOU ARE NOW....& will be from this day forward!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
BUT I would NOT ALSO ask about the additional night w/son NOW, given that you have this rotation issue cropping up now. You know, pick your battles and all.
Uh-oh, too late. Your post missed me by about an hour, otherwise I wouldn't have sent it definitively. I was going back and forth on it, but ultimately I figured when ISN'T something cropping up around the consequences and drama of her abducting our son, her med career, etc? If I had left the additional day issue alone, it probably would clash with another issue in another week or two.
Uh-oh, too late. Your post missed me by about an hour, otherwise I wouldn't have sent it definitively. I was going back and forth on it, but ultimately I figured when ISN'T something cropping up around the consequences and drama of her abducting our son, her med career, etc? If I had left the additional day issue alone, it probably would clash with another issue in another week or two.
I figured that you had already sent it. 25 makes many valid points as usual.
You sending the email requesting the additional day is not going to make or break your stitch IMO. You are just making the effort to be a good father. Stay consistently positive in your interaction with your W and everything else will fall into place.
I started my new thread to give you an idea how quickly things change.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I just need to not fear the confrontation.