We are blessed with the regular presence of a board member who has awesome insight into what might be going on in your sitch...
Her name is Sandi2 and perhaps she'll chime in here...
On first blush reading your sitch... it sounds to me as though you were a WAW...
You mention that he asked if you would try counseling, and you said you didn't want to... do you remember ANY OTHER behaviour from your H that might have turned you off... begging, pleading, other LBS passive aggressive behaviour... before he "agreed" to the separation...
As has been mentioned, nothing is hopeless... there certainly can be a possible R... the fact is... YOU ARE STILL M...
Lots of stuff to work on for you, as mentioned above, to become a woman that your H will be drawn to again...
If your H perceives you as a WAW... then he likely does still hurt... he will keep you at arms length for a long time...
because he won't believe your changes are real... and it could be a long time before he's prepared to put his guard down...
In your separation, have you been mostly distant? N/C as it were, or "dark" (because of the kids)?
The point is, looking at 180s that you might be able to try, that will indicate that you really are interested in your H again and becoming involved more in family activities, that he would be open to...
Not asking your H to recommit to the M... Just what you can do to involve yourselves more in their lives and engage them more on day to day activities... nothing too drastic for now... just... baby steps...
