Wow. Felt really awful yesterday. All the old stuff. One stressful "vacation", a bunch more friendly communications from W to boss, and a couple days being in my Ws long shadow at work - and it's like I haven't learned a thing. It all affects me just the same as before. Well, I guess I learned enough to keep relatively quiet, keeping the damage to a minimum. Here's a question, sent out to the ether:
I've noticed over the years that people have one of two general reactions to stress and conflict - they either fight it, resist, come alive or withdraw, give up, and admit defeat. I don't think it's even a "decision". For me it seems like a physiological reaction. The former seems empowering. The other, which I get whenever interacting with W, is not. Once I had surgery on my finger and they gave me shot to numb it up, but didn't tell me that when doctors numb fingers and toes they have to also inject adrenalin to prevent the veins from closing off. Although there was nothing about the surgery that made me nervous - I was actually curious and asked to watch - the adrenalin made me tremble and feel sick. My heart was racing and I couldn't calm it down. It was a strange sensation, not having any control of your own heart rate. In conflict situations with my W I get the same sort of thing - I shut down more or less automatically. I see it coming.....the crowd turns toward her (she's cute, fun, and enjoys hanging with the guys) and it's like I'm blocked off. It's like this automatic switch. I used to a least have my workplace to escape this, but no more. It seems ridiculous to compete with my W, but there must be some way to keep from just giving up and walking away. I've found it nearly impossible to start new male friendships because my wife has, basically, beat me to it. But I can't really tell me wife to knock it off - well, actually, it's come up - but it's like telling a koala bear not to be cute.
I'm like to simply be strong and confident enough to ignore this, laugh it off. I like some of the taoist positions on this - remove the ego, be calm, wait it out - but my physiological reaction is simply to give up. And of course stress + lack of control (giving up) = anxiety and depression, right?
there must be something for this - I mean sports psychology is all about this.
