I'm Far from perfect

[~¤DG¤~]

I'm sorry if this is a stupid question, but what does DV mean?

Welcome to the group. You certainly have been through a lot and I am sure it took a lot of guts to post your story and be as honest about it as you are. That's the thing though, if you know what the problem is, then you can fix it.

The first thing I would suggest besides counseling, is anger management. From one control freak to another, I know how hard that behavior is to stop, but you have to.
You can only control yourself, your actions, and your decisions. Trying to control a situation you can't is exhausting, isn't it?

It takes 2 to make a marriage work, and while it is good that you acknowledge your part in this, don't take all the blame.
Your W having a child by another man would be very hard to deal with emotionally. I can understand your struggle there. I hope you don't take it out on the child, (s)he is innocent in all of this.

Keep posting, I know you'll find some great advice.