at least the note may alleviate you of your sense of responsibility.
I know there are some who say suicide is the BIGGIE, as far as sins...they say it's unforgivable...
I am not one of those people, but if I were, (in case you hear someone else say this to you or your sons)
--know that this would not apply b/c she WAS SICK...and
if a terminally cancer patient did this, God would obviously forgive them.
Even more so with mental illness...maybe she saw herself as terminally ill.
All I know is that
She is at peace now, in the arms of a loving God.
May that bring you some small comfort.
Wish I knew more about her. Wish I had seen this coming...
SIGH
sending you prayers
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
on further reflection i will not post her note, it is private;
i will hit the hightlites though She mentioned throughout how much she loved me but did not feel worthy of my love and rarely did. that she loved our two kids and wanted only the best for them and she truly believed the best was without her in the equation as she was such a downer and didnt want her to feel,
interupted again, grrrrrr
pete
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
i will finish this and i disagree with u country for the first time, i owe this board a lot. more than you know.
She went on to discuss her disease and we looked it up and it is sooo sad that she was experiencing this. she said so many time throughout that she was sorry , so sorry that she was too lazy , tired, in so much pain to continue but even if she did seek help, she wouldnt b able to change anything.
She apologized to me soooo many times for putting me through all the stuff of her affair and never trully wanted to hurt me , that she always loved me and called me honey so many times which i missed hearing so much. ( i never stopped loving her)
She then went step by step into her family members telling them what she thought they needed to do to heal as they are dysfunctional. One line that i thought was funny basically said that they were all effed up except for donna who is a gem. i thought that was great. She mentioned my bil who hated her for so long and pleaded with him not to carry around his resentment and hatred and to not hate her any longer please.
She alos wished i could be there as she let go, and to give her permission and say it was ok to leave. ( as if i could ever do that) but to also hold her as she left this world to ease her pain( try to understand this, i would never have let her go and follow through but if i absolutely had to , i wish i could have been holding her as she died and that she didnt have to leave this world alone, make sense?)
She told me i was an incredible man with so much integrity and kindness and that the boys were so lucky to have me as their father. She told me she loved me again.
then she did a makeshift will, asking that the share of her mothers inheritence should go to the kids education fund. (we did get 2000 bucks from donations at the funeral) and that the money she got from me from settlement should go back into my account.
That she loved the boys so much that they were her heart and that she was sorry she could not finish the job of raising them but they would be better off without a dysfunctinal depressed woman in their lives. there was so much love pouring out from this letter.
i wept uncontrollably the first time i read it but now try and take comfort from it.
pete
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
you mean about wanting to be the one to lay her into the arms of God.
But in your way, you did.
It was YOU she thought about in her letter. You she loved. You she apologized to. I hope her family, somehow, learns something from her. SIGH
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Nine, I am moved by your W's note. I hope it brings you some measure of peace. I am sitting with my D14, having a daddy/daughter date, and I can tell you a tear came to my eye when I read your post.
My D14 asked me what wrong and I just told her that I was feeling sad and happy for someone I have never met. I am happy you got to hear those words from her and so very sorry that she is gone.
I think that the candles that burn the brightest tend to burn themselves out quicker than others.
May the grace of God shine down upon you and your boys.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
