My faith gives me the courage to move forward

[25yearsmlc]

There are some contradictions and some insights possible here.

Yes i will get allimony, a third of his income. My son is staying home for college. h is 53 yrs old. I take natural supplemants for depression because i had chest pain from zoloft and others, and read neg things about them.

Don't you get palpitations from the panic attacks that the natural supplements are Not addressing? AND shortness of breath or Chest pain too?

There are anti-anxiety meds that have been out for decades that you may need to try or other ADs...don't give up. You know whatever you are taking isn't working enough. They are for mild symptoms and yours don't sound mild to me.


I met h when i was 18, i had a very dysfunctional home with my mother and i had depression and anxiety problems , and h rescued me from that.

Does this^^^ mean you no longer had anxiety or depression?


I know it was not a healthy relationship, i was very dependent on him and he liked it like that. it was the exact relationship he had with his mother growing up. He likes to take care of, and rescue people. we went thru thick and thin over 30 yrs together.

So you see that your m was not healthy. Maybe he saw that too. Maybe he just changed or evolved?


When i started asserting myself in the relationship for my needs, that was when things started going bad.
He was a workaholic and i always felt very alone.

You just said you were unhappy and the marriage was not healthy.

What do you mean when you say you began "asserting" yourself?

Do you mean nagging, crying or guilting? Dig deep...we all make mistakes.

i couldnt wait for him to get home from work everyday. i loved being with him, he had the greatest sense of humor and would help me deal with any life problems

Is it safe to say you have not yet learned those skills?

he gave me every material thing but what i wanted was his time but he wouldnt give it to me and i felt taken for granted. He got recharged being around people, and would not be home much, but he was my whole world.

Sounds as if you alone didn't meet ALL his social needs. That's normal. And he wanted other people around. Nothing odd there. How did YOU respond to having other people around? Were you threatened by it?

Do you now see that We are not meant to fill ALL of the needs of someone else? It's not healthy and it doesn't often succeed. Case in point...your m


so we went to bad therapist

Why did you go to a T in the first place? Whose idea was it? What did your h say at the t?

Do you see how blaming her for the 4 years of your h's affair is misplaced?

It keeps you from facing the choices HE has made & is still making every day he chooses to be with OW.

going thru her own d and death of a child and she gave us very bad advice to temp separation and that was when h met ow then.

Why didn't you go to another T?

You reconciled before he left again. What happened THEN?

You honestly believe if things had continued as they were, without her...THEN what?

How can that be the case when you also say YOU were unhappy and "always lonely" and the marriage wasn't healthy, very dependent, he wanted other people around...and that's all BEFORE the "bad T" came along.


So back to the real question of the day...

what are YOU going to DO to change your life?