Ok. Had a great time yesterday with the “family” celebrating s7’s bday. W did try to bring up separation (her leaving house and taking kids w/ her occasionally to other house) just as the day was starting. Trying to pick a fight. I asked if she thought that now was the best time to discuss it? She dropped it. Went to an amusement park and had a great time with the kids. Just before leaving, she tried to pick another fight.
On drive home (kids had headphones on in car) I told her I knew she was upset with me, but I truly feel she is looking for anything to spin into a negative light to continue to fuel the fire she has towards me. She is trying to stay upset and I really don’t give her any ammo to help right now (not saying there isn’t plenty from the past). We got home around 7:30 and she went to go “workout”. She later sent me a text saying she was going “out” for a while and would be home around 1:00. She is exhausted, very behind in work, has taken a couple vacation days in the past week to spend time with kids, drove over 6 hours round trip Monday night til Tuesday afternoon to get “space” again neglecting work.
She told me this morning she didn’t actually workout last night. I assume she went to her best friends house but I didn’t ask.
WTH is going on in her head. I know someone is going to yell “A”. Really don’t think that’s it. Her BF tells me she just needs space. I have offered to let her live in our investment property. I have told her I do not agree with her taking the kids there for any reason. They need the stability our home provides. I will not negotiate this with her. Should I?
Per my DB coach, I told her this am that for the vast majority of our relationship, I took a “this is how I am so deal with it approach”, with her and that that was a ridiculous attitude to have in a M or any relationship for that matter. We talked awhile about it.
I am getting discouraged. I have been at this for 6-7 weeks (I know that’s not a long time). I am not a real patient man but I have become much more patient lately. I see no real signs of her changing her mind on the D. I am feeling a lot better about myself and I know that is really the main goal of DBing. I look at my W with such love now. I desire probably as much as I did when we first met. I hate what my actions and inactions have done to her wonderful spirit. I want nothing more than a fresh start but I know it is very unlikely. I want her to be happy in life and I know I can help her get there is she could only find a way to let me. I also know that probably won’t happen.
I know we both own our parts of this, but my prior actions have lead to the destruction of our R. I only hope that my current actions will also lead us on the path to reconciliation. It is very frustrating though. I am letting her run and it just seems she is running away as fast as she can and my DB’ing is making it easier on her…….
