Thank you so much everyone for your input. Okay I get that some MLCers don't have much of a R with their children. What I don't get is why just our children. He spends a real lot of time with his sons that he had in a high school R.
25, I don't have to file anything H did file for D over 2 years ago. The meeting has to do with trying to settle financial issues. What I meant by all filled up is H is ready and has already cried at every hearing for child support, visitation, etc. This is why even my L is stunned at why when he (L) answered H's L and told her that he would meet with her and H or just her and that I wouldn't be present that H got upset and angry and said he wants me there. For what???? Anyway, when they have it I will be present.
I'm not pursuing H at all. And yes, you are right if H wants a R with the kids he knows their number and knows where they live. I can't help the kids reconcile with their father and I realized that now since the mean message my D14 got from SIL or H's BIL.
SA, you are so right and that's exactly what I have been doing is praying and praying for some sort of R between my children and H. H was taking medication for Depression, they said it's an anger depression over 14 years ago. I also think when H's real father told him that his real mother tried to abort him 6 months prior to H's flipping out didn't help much at all. I know for a fact it is true, MIL told me 15 years ago....but why would a father ever hurt their own child no matter what age by telling them such a horrible thing. I never would tell my worst enemy that and FIL acted like it was no big deal. H didn't want to talk about it so I never brought it up. And now though to think he is up his mother's butt even confuses me more now that he knows about her trying to do this.
Punkin, if he feels so guilty and knows it's his fault why doesn't he try to fix his R with D or SS? So I take it you did not reconcile with your XH? The shirt is funny. Did he ever realize what he had done to the kids and you?
Thanks Beatrice. Why such rage at the children though? Thought they blame us for their issues not the kids. You are so right, I ache for my kids so much. But I'm going to take all of the advice I got here from the all of you great and wonderful people and just try and get the kids through this one day at a time.
25, I forgot to answer your question...sorry. H's family blames me for keeping H away when he told them off all those years ago when he heard SIL and MIL talking about my son and H adopting him. I mentioned a few times to H that he should make amends because a person never knows what will happen tomorrow but he kept saying no way. He said he was tired of how mean they were just not to my S but to everyone. It is really weird though because I remember the last time I brought it up to him about making amends I told him my only fear would be is that they would try to blame me for him not talking to them and would destroy or try to destroy our M. H said that I had nothing to worry about because it's never going to happen (him reconciling with MIL and SIL). Now look....lol.
I have accepted that I have NO control over any of our R's (mine or kids with H) and have put it in God's hands.
As far as DBing with H there were a few things that I did that seemed to last until H's family would hear or us being together etc. and I'm assuming having a fit. H even said it one time when MIL was going to H's place and saw my car there so she left and when she called she was screaming at H. With my H I was the one that (most of the time), contact him about certain things and we would be getting along which is a 180 for me because H was always the one that pursued me while dating and even during our M. But now that it has gotten to this point, no phone number or anything for him I wouldn't know what to do so I guess I have to remain NC. It was always like H loved me to make the contact since this began because he was always the one pursuing me and I think he liked it, but that was 6 months ago. On that part am I right by remaining NC?
I'm finally GAL, it took a real long time, I was on and still am ADs but wow for them to find one that would at least help a little was a horrible experience. I was so sick and very depressed for many months almost over a year. But now I'm doing okay. Still don't feel great, lonely etc. But I'm going out with new friends and enjoying my time out. It's coming home that kills me, because yes I'm very lonely and never have been alone until lovely MLC hit my family.
As far as how our M would be today compared to how it was I would make sure that I told H that I loved him more often, and take the time to meet more of his needs. H told me in Jan when he wanted to come home a few things that I did wrong and I never realized it meant so much to him. So I did apologize and told him that I will show him how much I love him and need him and that I always did and if he didn't know that, I was truly sorry. It was the best conversation we have ever had since the S.
I have been working on myself so much, I did take H for granted. We both admitted that during the conversation. One thing that this MLC has brought to me a good thing is that I really believe I'm a better person and much closer to God.
So to sum it up, I guess my best bet is to stay NC and for kids also and just go on with life hoping and praying that all of us will be okay and get through this, and enjoy life more. For now I need to learn to take one day at a time instead of worrying about everything. I really believe with H's family being out of our picture is going to make it easier on me and the kids. Actually I know it.
Thanks again everyone...great support. Have a great day!
