Stillness

[aeolianchaos]

Stay detached through the process, knowing that when it is done and everyone is gone, you can release your emotions as you need...

Thanks, KD. This was a challenging morning for me - definitely not as bad as I feared - relatively low drama, and NONE from me. I can tell WAW is trying to hold it together but her eyes give away the pain she is feeling. Silently, I empathize with her, but thats about my limit at this point.

Had a nice convo. with WAW's friend who flew in to help her deal with this. She is said about this whole thing, and says WAW keeps asking her if she is doing the right thing. Her friend doesn't want to be adding to the mess of people telling her what she should or shouldn't be doing. Her friend observed that this is a big part of the problem - WAW always looks to others to tell her what she should do.

I didn't say anything harsh about WAW to friend - basically left it at : "Yes, this is sad. But I want WAW to be happy and if this is what she really believes will make her happy, then its her decision and I can't control her." We talked some about what my situation was like for the past year and a half or so, and I kind of picked up that her friend had no idea about my situation.. but it kind of dovetailed into the questions of a reflected sense of self and how WAW always seems to be seeking that from other people - how it makes it hard for her to stabilize when things get shaky. How my depression 'reflected' poorly on her, and thus lowered her self-image. We didn't go into it too much - just acknowledged that yes it is sad and I'm doing okay. Talked with her for a while about her job and whatnot.. made it a point to listen and make eye contact and smile. I figure I should be doing this with people anyways, might as well practice with people who don't push my emotional triggers.

What interactions I did have were basically neutral to positive. I laughed a little bit and was very congenial about things. I even joked about how empty the place looked, and complimented them on their speed in terms of getting everything packed and loaded up. It was sincere - I was impressed they did it in under 5 hours.

My heart aches at the moment, but I think it will go away after I eat some lunch.

The place looks pretty empty now. Not going to buy any new stuff until I relocate - will just have to rearrange the deck chairs on this titanic for now.