Actually, I see what I'm doing now as keeping the road home paved and smooth... with the only intentions of keeping the road home paved and smooth...
I have to spend the rest of my life (or her's), in some capacity, with this woman... I'm certainly not on her roller coaster any more, at all...
I'm pretty close to the "I don't feel M" mentality at this point... again, it might sound coarse, but it makes sense to me... I really see this R now as simply like a co-worker who I have differing opinions with... but I have to figure out how to be able to work with her because I can't leave my job... that being a father to my kids...
When I see her now, I really do not find her attractive in any way... not her words, not her appearance, not some of her activities / actions... I'm borderline apathetic towards her and have only very brief moments of emotion... in a relative sense, but an hour or half hour here and there is more like I would offer a "good" friend...
Like if something good were to happen for her (aside from engagement to OM or something) I'd likely be "good for her" and if she did something stupid... I'd be like "dumb a$$"...
I have no thoughts or emotions, neither repulsion nor desire of any type of "intimacy" with her... nothing that a spouse may feel for another...
a trigger... something major... might have an affect, for sure... other than that...
yeah... I'm done with her... in the sense that she's just any other person in my life...
