I tried posting a couple times, but for some reason it didn't show up.
In any case, thank you so much for your support. I have outright asked her if there is someone else and she said no, and that it is my past behavior that led her to this point. I tend to believe her (though maybe i'm being naive).
She is moving out today and she says that she can't look at me the same way as she used to. Even if she forgives me, she doesn't feel like she can love me like I deserve and in turn it is unfair to her as well.
One bright spot though...before she was completely opposed to going to counseling..but now she said that she'd go with me once (but is very skeptical that they'd be able to change the way she's feeling or change anything). basically she said she's going for me so that I can feel better about this whole situation.
When I left for work this morning, she was packing up her things. She is getting an apt. only two blocks away and asked if we could still be friends, while crying and saying that she's so sorry it had to come to this. I'm not sure how to approach this. I don't want to say absolutely not and leave her on her own, but at the same time, I feel like maybe her spending some time along without any contact for me may make her realize what she's missing.
She was supposed to attend a wedding with me tomorrow for friends of both of us (in which I am a groomsman) and she said that she would feel uncomfortable attending. I feel bad that she feels uncomfortable since her friends will be there as well. I was planning on stopping by in my tux, and just dropping off the invitation for her and without any pressure just letting her know where and when the ceremony is, and just telling her without any pressure, "I understand if you feel uncomfortable, but I don't want my actions to prevent you from seeing your friends...if you choose to come, I promise to keep it civil and avoid any talk about us". Is this a bad move or do you think she might appreciate it? Since many times we've gone out in the past, I have had too much to drink, I would love to show her that I can go to a friend's wedding, have a few drinks and keep myself composed and still have a great time.
Also, regarding the marriage counseling, I think she is just doing it for me (and said only one session and if she feels the same after it, I will need to move forward with the D), so not sure it is the right attitude going in, but I am trying my hardest to find the person that will give me the best shot at this since I feel like it is my very last chance to turn things around. Suggestions on this?? I was thinking about scheduling a private session with Michele, but I live in Chicago, so not sure if that is feasible. If you have any other suggestions, please let me know.
Thank you again for all the support. I really need it.
