KML: Your dating escapades of the past year or so left me wondering if you were the same woman I met in California a few years back. I honestly didn't think you wanted a relationship because it seemed like you just wanted one night stands. Maybe in your heart of hearts you wanted more but it really did seem more like "booty calls" than "building" of possible long term relationships. I am wondering if you were experiencing your own "mid life crisis" of sorts. Not that this is a really bad thing but YOUR own personal journey in finding out who you really are and what your really want. And I think you are now just starting to find out that you really want MORE than just one night stands. And you do remember that if something isn't working - do something different. Try a 180.
Your description of your perfect relationship is pretty much what I have. As you know - Josh and I don't live together. Yes - we have a house together but he lives in the city during the week - here on the weekends which now seem to be 3 or sometimes 4 night weekends when possible as he can sometimes work remotely. And this is great. He loves the "independent" me. I do what I want to do, when I want to do it. But I enjoy our time together and now we work together to make our house a home. And yes - sex is a great part of it. But it is just a part of it. I love the wining and dining and down time just as much. And I truly love my "icing" on the cake too.
So - I guess you are making some progress here. First - you have determined what it is you are after and Second - you have realized that your method is not helping you achieve what you want. So this is a great start.
The best advice I can offer is - be choosy! You deserve the best - don't accept less. It is truly doubtful that some guy in Big Lots who knocks you off your feet or some surfer kid are really going to be right for you in the long run. Protect your heart. Look for someone with similar goals and interests - that is what will sustain you in the long run. Of course the sex is important but I'm guessing that with the right foundation of a relationship - the sex will be grand when the time is right.
So - how long did I wait? I had heard 3 dates and boy did I want it! I had gone without for 3 years at that point. But I was in a therapy group at the time and asked. And got bombarded with the "WAIT" reply. Not what I wanted to hear. Hold out. Let the relationship grow. Don't give in. The nice thing was that Josh was not pressuring me. We were enjoying our many other forms of expressing our growing affection. And yes - we did kiss on the first date and it was lucious and helped so much.
And the truth is that we dated weekly for about 3 months before we sealed the deal on a night when the moon was out and the stars aligned and we were at the cottage and it was well worth waiting for. And I knew for sure that I was "in love" and that was what I needed.
And it is different for everyone but I remember some sage advice from when I was a teen in the 70s. "Many people often regret having sex but few people ever regret waiting". Maybe the 70s wasn't THAT "casual" after all.
