Even though it would appear to be counterintuitive (at first), the concept of DBing makes complete sense. Despite that, my fear is if I adhere to the DB principles, W (who suggested we spent too much time together) will now consider me inaccessible. Marriages experience troubles for a variety of reasons, one being the amount of togetherness - either too much, or not enough. Any advice on not having the fear of swinging the pendulum in the opposite (yet equally problematic) direction? I would think there must be a fallacy in my reasoning, but I'm not sure what it is.
Sorry you are here. You are getting some good advice. I don't agree with all of it, but so what?
I'm not clear on what your w would SAY the issues are in the m but that would help us know what your 180s should be.
What are your 180s??
Also, I don't really buy the "can't afford to GAL" arguments much.
YES YOU CAN GAL...here are a few suggestions, audition for community theater, volunteer for Hospice or at a hospital, coach a team, exercise, work at a soup kitchen, a women's shelter, volunteer at a Churh or join a Church group, help with the Boys Clubs, Boy Scouts, play on a team, take a class, help with ANY of the above, MEET NEW PEOPLE, and get a support system.
When we lived in Alaska, I did all of the above, literally. Seems hard but it makes life easier. The hardest part is overcoming our inertia, our resistance.
Besides, your w essentailly told you to GAL.
Protect yourself financially without being vindictive.
Tell as few people as possible about her A if you want to reconcile. You're supposed to keep the road home, paved and smooth. Don't make it harder than it already will be, for her to come back.
There are different views on confronting A's, as you know. But all agree that anything reeking of punishment, won't go well.
You'll look petty and manipulative
and this will justify her choices, in her mind.
Beat the OM by being the better man.
Be the man your w fell in love with. What did HE look like?
Can you envision a reconciliation with your w, someday, in which you'd both be happy?
In order to reconcile,
At some point, you will have to be able to show her that marriage to you would be better or different, than before...
which means- YOU MUST WORK ON YOU.
So, what are you doing for YOU to become the best you that's possible?
ONCE YOU HAVE WORKED TO BECOME TRULY THE BEST COG THAT YOU CAN BECOME,
leave the results up to God.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
