Loving, Listening, and Letting Go..

[aeolianchaos]

Thanks, LG

I hold myself to a pretty high standard, have a tendency to be a perfectionist. I figure I did a really good job a couple of weeks ago - why can't I do that again? I haven't figured that one out. Maybe I should just go back to that stuff somehow.. listening, pma, reflecting and clarifying - Just shut up about how I feel for now.

Get work. I see you are trying to find a good job that you'll be good at and will be on a career path, etc. But can you get something "in the meantime" to bring in some income, allay money fears, spruce up your apartment, not do spousal support (do you really need it?) and get on your feet a little?

Working on this. I'm going at both ends -- trying to land gigs that would be good, and also trying to get some temp work or something that would just cover my bills. A couple recruiters contacted me re: tech jobs, but I suspect they just batch that stuff every week depending on whose names pop up. Either way, sent my resume along.

It isn't a financial dependency on her - its more just another stressor in my life - I want to move but without a job its hard to get a lease. I also would prefer to move relatively close to a job. I never really took much in the way of money from her.. she certainly didn't give me any!!

But yes - getting work is an important part of my 'master plan' at the moment. I wish I had taken the time to learn more computer stuff - it bores me a bit but I am a quick study at it, and it pays a lot better than stocking shelves @ target.

Incidentally, I saw her credit card statement and holy schnikeys.. she is spending like a drunken sailor.
to put this in a little perspective.. we earned, combined, 37K last year. Her CC bill was around 3700 this month!! I worry a little that she is spending like a drunken sailor to compensate for something.

Spousal support - I don't want to need it. I don't want to feel reliant on her and I want to have my own income source. As far as I'm concerned its an option but only if it really comes down to it.

I expect that dark may be the de facto mode of things once she gets her stuff. I would be surprised if she contacted me before her trip to europe (maybe on my b-day..) and then she's out of country for a month or so.