2Step, CS, Thanks guys. It means a lot coming from you guys.
Honestly i would not have been in this place if not for amazing folks on these forums like you guys. The bitter pills are sure hard to swallow, but they do leave a sweet aftertaste.
Yup, I know that today is a good day. tomorrow maybe bad. But nowadays I am little more optimistic about the future. I guess i am slowly learning where my place is in this world. And that is working good for me.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
Indeed myk, you have come a long way. Be proud of yourself and continue down the path of self-improvement.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
So later i call her again in the afternoon. After some intial talk on the same subject, i said "Okay P, I am gonna ask you something. I promised myself that i would not ask this after what i had been through. I am just gonna ask this once. Do you wanna work on the marriage?. Take your time and let me know. If you yes, we will have a long way ahead of us to re-patch. But I will treat you as a woman is supposed to be treated by a mature guy. And i'll expect the same from you. If you No, thats okay too. I know what i want in my life. I'll find someone to be happy with." to which she said "I dont think i can say yes or no. I am scared of my cyclic nature of our arguments. We have lul and then we have volcanoes." I said "take your time"
THis is really good. Do not return to this topic again soon, let her meditate on it in her conscious and subconscious mind without interruption.
This is the decisive and self-controlled state I have been encouraging you to attain from the beginning. You know what you want and you put it out there for her to decide if she wants to be part of it. If not, you are not emotionally entangled enough to allow it to affect you.
Do not stray from what is working for you. This path you are going down is one that will attract women to you for life (whoever YOU choose it to be), it is not one you walk down just to repair your R, and then drift back to old habits.
Also, there is sooo much more to learn, if you are willing to keep exploring.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
Thanks SF. Yup, i know i am only at the begining of this journey. It is exciting and scary at the same time. Exciting because i never felt this "in control" before. And that feeling is quite good. I think the first thing that caught my attention when i did know who i was back in jan, was your great 'signature'. I think i really took that to heart.
Thanks!
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
Went to visit daughter this weekend. Took her out to see the circus. She loved it. We had great fun. I never did this alone with my daughter. I was scared as to how i might react seeing all the families. But hey, i kept my head cool and i tried to enjoy the moment and it worked great.
Also lot of drama with wife while i was driving back home. Wife called and we talked for almost 3 hours. Wow!. We talked lot of stuff. All over the place. But some big things that i can recall.
1: Wife said that she was sorry for somethings that she had done. Like not understanding my emotional state and making it worse for me. Fighting with my parents. Allowing her family to interfere in our relationship.
2: Wife said she still does not know if she wants to come back or not. That she has seen that i am now at a better place but she is not.
3: She feels that her family and the community will never let her be if she takes the decision to divorce.
4: That if she does come back that she needs to accept who i am and not try to change me.
I too talked friendly with her. It was like old times. Last time i talked i told her that i am ready to move on with someone else if needed. She seemed upset by that. I told her i am not actively looking for anyone right now. But if things do end up in divorce that i am not gonna spend my time pining for her. Before i would try to avoid telling her these things to keep the calm. Now i did tell her some harsh realities even if they were biting.
She wanted to know as why i wanted her back. I told her it was because i still had feelings for her. That it was personality to not ditch a relationship that i spent years investing.
The discussion was nothing concrete, but it looks like she is begining to see how life would be if she took this route.
But somethings in her did not change. She still spends so much more time feeling sorry for how her life has turned our rather than looking for solutions. She is still stuck in the past about so many things. And every time i mention anything, she has an answer or an excuse.
Loooong way to go. Meanwhile i am not holding on to any hopes. Right now my mind is totally on motorcycles
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
MK, I am glad you had a great time at the circus with your D.
Originally Posted By: mykarma
I was scared as to how i might react seeing all the families.
I've been here, too. I think I'm in place where I wish them the best. I don't think any family should go through the junk we're going through.
Sounds like you've made fantastic progress with yourself, and your W has taken notice.
Originally Posted By: mykarma
That if she does come back that she needs to accept who i am and not try to change me.
This is good. I assume you mean the new and improved MK!
Your W definitely needs to work through her issues and work on herself. You can only hope your positive changes in yourself will affect her in a positive way eventually. I don't think you really want her back until she is able to show some progres in this area.
