What was your H's childhood like? I truly believe who we choose to marry all ties in with the family of origin.
Thank God we can change the dynamics by dealing with the baggage left from the FOO. We do that by recognizing those issues, making the connections and then setting about ways to change that within ourselves. That understanding was one of the gifts I received from my H's MLC.
I believe the MLCer doesn't have the ability to recognize those connections before or at the time of the MLC. They react to the external feelings because they do not have any idea that the real issues for why they're feeling the way they are, were there long before they ever met us.
That's why the LBS is so far ahead of the MLCer.
Keep digging Tina!
My husband was the last of 4 children of a single mother who worked as a nurse's aid. His father kept two families in the same city, never married either woman. He would rotate between the families and bring the children to play with the other group of children. Or he would disappear altogether, for weeks or months at a time. There may have been a third or fourth woman, or a series of them. No one is sure. By the time my husband was 12 or so, he rarely saw his father.
He was never overly abusive to my husband, but my husband's dad did beat his mother brutally. This generally precipitated him leaving. My husband remembers at the age of 8 or 9, trying to help his bleeding mother off the floor. As he got older and his father was around less and less, my husband was put in an inappropriate "man of the house" role by his mother. Alternatively, she would leave him with his grandmother for weeks at a time when a new man was courting her. When that didn't work, he'd be back home with mom and mom would lean on him as her little man.
When we got married (he was 46), he had been out of the city for many years, and his mom loved having her little man back. She was truly in pitiful health, and would call all hours of the day and night and expect him to drop everything and go get her something to eat and bring it to her. Or pick her up something at the store. Or drive her somewhere. This was a DAILY occurrence up until she went into a nursing home 3 out of our 4 years together.
H50 W44 M 4 D 29 D 28 D 26 S 22 S 20 D 17 S 15 S 5 D 3 1st Bomb 4/2009 Separated 2/2009 4 months 2nd Bomb 6/11 Separated 7/11 to ???
