New to the forum.

[~¤DG¤~]

Look at it this way-you held your cool. Even though she was clearly trying to push your buttons you didn't budge. This is a very good thing!

I know you said you have a hard time saying no to her, but I think it is important to maybe go dim or even dark for a few days.
Let her know that you will not tolerate being spoken to that way, especially in front of your kids.