Im just going to give up.

[Queen_of_Swords]

I suggest you look up the Drama triangle to understand how this dynamic works Rue.
I was blamed for a lot as well.
Understand, this is THEIR perception and not the truth. The truth is painful, so they avoid it. It allows them to pretend they're just fine so they don't have to look in the mirror and accept their bad behaviour or deal with the pain of not loving themselves.

It's NOT ABOUT YOU. Remember that. It really, really isn't.
You're a convenient excuse, a way to avoid the tough questions, a way to delay the realization that we are all responsible for our own feelings, our behaviour, and our own happiness.

It's something the OW can't give him except in a very temporary fashion the way a new car would. The new car smell will wear off and the high from the new woman will too, and then he'll be back wondering why he's unhappy with her!

Right now Rue, you're where I was and sometimes still am...being a victim. This is choice and you can choose to think of yourself as a strong and capable woman that doesn't need his sorry butt until he's got his head on straight.

This may never happen.
But by that time YOU will have created your own life, your own happiness and won't NEED him, but you will welcome someone who adds to your happiness but isn't your entire world.

I know this is hard Rue, but you like all of us will get there. ((((Rue))))