OK point taken. I have packed a lot of it up anyway, so I don't have to see it. I just live in a very bare and bland house now.....need to do some shopping!
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
So I get home from work last night, ready to focus on DBing and GAL and there is a letter in the mailbox from W. Brief overview but goes something like this: "I'm sorry for hurting you, but I need to do this for the best for both of us. We both need to move on, I started falling out of love with you last year- didn't you notice me running all the time and losing weight. We can't go back now, I could never bring children into a marriage like this. And I am moving back to the States at Christmas. You will always hold a special place in my heart, and I hope you find happiness one day. I admire that you've still been fighting for me, but I'm not coming back, you need to accept this. Our marriage wasn't even enough and we both should have worked on it, so it's not all your fault. I used to worship you and us, but I just see us differently now and it will never be the same and I will never get that feeling back. there was a bit more but that's the gist of it.
I don't think any DBing will change this sitch now. I don't know what my next move is. I was ready to stop all contact and ignore her, but what's that going to do now. I won't respond to this letter. I just feel beaten again, I can't take a trick. How did I marry someone so messed up that can walk away from a marriage so easily? We had such a great friendship, love life, affection and bond. She is my best friend. As she didn't have a close network in australia we did everything together, every day and weekend. And now it's all gone. If my crime was getting focused on work and being unhappy, then I don't think I'm the worst person in the world. She said she didn't feel pretty around me because I didn't always tell her. God, I loved her and thought she was beautiful, why does a 31yr old need to be told they are beautiful all the time??
Yes I can apply the DB principles to move on in my life, but my main objective was to get her back and my life with her. Its not to be. She will move home in 4 mths and then I will never see her again. Such a weird concept to get my head around. I guess it's back to single life and trying to date again - I wouldn't even know where to start! Geez I miss my best friend. Very sad today now. I wish I could change everything I wrecked in my life with my actions and behaviors.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
Cam, Your best friend would not do this to you, just think about this. I'm in the same shoes and my W already got her stuff and moved back to the state where her family is. Our annyversary is coming up and a paid trip to Europe that was my W's b-day present.
She said she doesn't want to go on the trip. It hurts like hell, but I decided to not even mention the annyversary or the trip anymore (after stupidly trying to convince her to go a couple of weeks ago).
I decided to go no contact and GAL. This is all I have left and I suggest you do the same. It's our only way to get back to sanity in the near future.
It will still hurt and I'm sure there will still be days when we will break down, but the sooner we accept them, the sooner we will recover. The future will bring something good for both of us and for the rest of the good people on this forum.
That is someone who is really going to have a tough time in life. She will repeat this with the next person you can bet on that.
I don't say that out of spite. It is sad really that she places such low worth on herself to come and go from a relationship this way.
She is making you the cause but really it is her own unworthiness that is driving this decision.
Make no mistake and don't listen to it. Listen only, what I have said to you before, what stings for you.
Now
She is making a choice for you?
When the way looks bleek and there is no hope, what will cam do? What does cam want? What does cam control?
I am not telling you can save your M by your choice. Your W has the right to get a D if she wants one.
But you damn sure can say to yourself I am not going to let someone make that choice for me.
I will make it.
When I am ready.
Is that when your W says it so?
Or you?
Originally Posted By: cam
I was ready to stop all contact and ignore her, but what's that going to do now. I won't respond to this letter. I just feel beaten again, I can't take a trick. How did I marry someone so messed up that can walk away from a marriage so easily?
I just can't accept this cam.
You sound like someone kicked you in the jimmy and you're ready to give in.
Man whatever... don't go out like this.
It ain't what happens it's how you handle it. Your courage. Your resolve. Your beliefs. Your values.
Don't let someone's choices break down who you are.
So
What does cam believe? What does cam want?
I promise you following this path you will walk away (if that is the outcome) on YOUR terms.
And THAT will make all the difference.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Thanks TG. It is just a shite way to handle things. And believe me, I know she will do this again. She has done it all her life - every time something gets tough in her life she just walks away. F ck I wasn't the worst husband, I never cheated, hit her, drank heavily, abused her etc....and she has made me feel like crap. I can control my response, my actions and my position and my life. At the moment she is leading and instigating everything and I've had enough. yes I still love her and yes I want to be her husband, but f ck that if I am going to sit here and just be told how much I wasn't the ideal husband she always dreamed of. I am not going to respond to her, I am not going to contact her, I am going to just ignore it and ignore the legal stuff for now. My work is sending me overseas for two weeks next week anyway, so I won't be around to deal with it. I have booked a trip interstate with some mates this weekend to GAL and get away from this shite. It is not over for me, it may be for her. But in my mind it is over for now and not for good ....yet
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
I just feel beaten again, I can't take a trick. How did I marry someone so messed up that can walk away from a marriage so easily? We had such a great friendship, love life, affection and bond. She is my best friend. As she didn't have a close network in australia we did everything together, every day and weekend. And now it's all gone.
Cam,
You put into words an experience so many of us are feeling. But where it becomes your individual thing is in how YOU are going to handle it.
You got knocked down. Dust yourself off and keep going in the direction you want to go in. Don't let a WAW define you or who you want to be. Worst case Scenario: you are more content and peaceful person who sees their own worth and doesn't make the same mistakes in their relationship in the future.
I think what Truegritter says is dead-on. Your W is going to lead a very dramatic and stressful life operating the way she does. That isn't on you to fix. But you can certainly show the alternative.
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
