Positively moving forward

[awest1217]

My rings may not pay for the whole thing, but for a good chunk. I am excited! A couple of friends may come with me, which will be good because I don't fly well and since S gets motion sick like me, probably won't either.

CTH, if the ring was an heirloom I wouldn't sell it. This ring represented the promis XH made to me to be faithful and be with me no matter what, and that didn't happen. I thought about keeping it, but there is no reason to. I wouldn't pass it down because it doesn't mean anything. What made me file almost one year ago was that I found out XH went to Disney World with OW over father's day because i got a postcard from their travel agent at my house addressed to the both of them. I neve got a honeymoon and really haven't been on a real vacation since my freshman year of college, 10 years ago. I wanted to toto Disney for my honeymoon so now that S loves all the characters and would be amazed, it is a perfect way to usethe money from the ring.

[ClingingToHope]

I didn't mean that as a criticism. It just made me realize how lucky I am to get those rings back. In my case, they were a gift from my mom. I didn't have to pay for them. It would have been awful to see her keep them or sell them. I plan on giving the wedding ring to D12 and the engagement ring to D8.

[awest1217]

S is getting his pictures taken today. I always do them a month early so it is during summer vacation. I am wondering, should I still offer XH some pictures? The last three times we have been separated and I did, but now I feel that I shouldn't pay for them all and XH get half automatically. I thought maybe just giving him one wallet and one 5x7 at most then his mom's bday is the end of the month so I will put one in her card. (I still have S pick out a card for XH's family's bdays so he has something to give and to teach him to give). What do you guys think?

A couple of other funny things. XH asked to have S Sunday into Monday last week instead of Saturday into Sunday. I said ok. He says he will drop off at 7. then texts me Monday to change it to 8 at the latest and ultimately doesn't drop off until 8:20. It upset me some, but I got over it. My more mad part is somehow the mailing address for the mortgage was changed to his parent's address where his mail goes although he doesn't live there. He says he didn't change it, and the company has no record of it being changed so who knows, but makes me wonder.

Anyway the funny part was when S gets home Monday I ask him why they were late. He says we were at the K store. I didn't know what store so he ISP explaining it to me (XH told me they were just going out to eat and might be late because of that with nothing about extra errands). I finally figure out which store and S is excited I figured it out, the grocery store down the street. He says yeah we had to drop OW off. I just smiled and laughed to myself. To drop off OW a quarter of a mile away so I don't see her and find out they are always together. It just makes me laugh.

XH no longer texts me at all or responds to texts like when I told him we were home from church so he could get S or when I ask an important question, maybe once a month. He doesn't ask about S in-between visits or anything, which I am good with. I like having my own life and it bothers me when they intertwine more than with S like the mortgage papers going to him instead of me. I am over him and it really feels good. Not that I am completely over the hurt and anger, but I am over him and just wish he wouldn't continue to "hide" stuff, but not my problem. I am still working on not showing anger when S tells me he did something with XH that XH should have talked to me about first out of respect and courtesy, but I am getting better at it and it is bothering me less and less, which is stressing S out less and he isn't acting out as much, but this last time wasn't two overnights in a row and he was dropped off at home so out of normal. If S acts out next week, XH asked to switch weekends, I will just keep helping him calm down and maybe figure out a different routine to help him more.

All is really good!

[ClingingToHope]

Pictures ... tough one. I post everything I take on my Facebook page and tag D12. So XW can see the shots that way. XW gave me the official school photos of both the past two years.

If I was paying though to have a "family" photo of just me and the girls, I wouldn't give it to XW. She wouldn't put it up anyway. She doesn't have a single thing of me anywhere in the house. She even replaced my photos with ones of her two drunk uncles who drained her grandmother dry.

I wouldn't ask S why they were late. Isn't that getting him involved? As he gets older, he'll figure out he's passing info. If it's important ask him directly.

I never ask the girls about XW at all -- if I have, it slips my mind. Part of it is to not put them in the middle and the other part is that I want to keep working on not caring. I used to shoot them down when they volunteer stuff, but that was bad so now I let them talk and then try to change the subject.

That's a tough balancing act.

[awest1217]

Oh I know I shouldn't have asked S why they were late and I apologized to him. Like I said above, I am still working on some of the anger. I do ask S what he did because i like to know how his day was. I ask him what he did with daddy like i would what did you do at school. I ask him how he felt or what happened for more details, but not more than I do when he gets home from school and I ask what toys did you play with today, did you go outside, who did you play with, etc. It is still a fine line between asking too much and asking to let S know I love him and want to know about his life no matter who he is with, which I am still working on, but I follow his cues and ask follow-up questions as he is interested in telling me.

He did tell me about OW getting mad and leaving then XH dropping him off with his parents for a while. He told me this out of the blue on Tuesday when i said I was getting angry about things being messed up with something (can't remember what now). I left that one alone and just listened to him.

It is all still a learning process since S is more talkative now than ever, but I will continue to learn and grow.

[ClingingToHope]

My old counselor, the one I had before the company went super cheap on benefits, said when she sees her ex-husband now it's like seeing an old boyfriend and they were married 20 + years.

At some point, I think it'll get that way for us. Not sure when though.

[Reincarnated]

It does get like that - and that is saying something, coming from me, believe me. It takes time, and that is different for everyone.
It took me more than 2 years post-divorce. I know that isn't something you want to hear, but doesn't it make sense that there has to be a sizable passage of time after you were bonded for so many years? Be easy on yourself while you go through that process....

[awest1217]

Most of my anger isn't about the past per se, but more about how the present is like the past. The half truths or secrecy and disrespect, but I think of him like I do my old friends whom I didn't get along with well.

Pick-up was weird yesterday. He sat down to wait on S which he hasn't done in a couple months. It didn't bother me, but then he starts telling me how he might get rift because numbers at his school are down and he has least seniority. Normally I would reassure him and tell him it will all be ok because he is a good teacher, etc but this time I listened and said that is a bad situation and due to new state legislation, but didn't advice or give the reassurance.

I was going to let XH have pictures after my family chose, but S wanted him to get some right away so I let XH pick out what he wanted, one of everything, which included the picture of just S and I. It was strange. I didn't get many of those so I asked XH to put them back because I only got some for my family. He said ok, but it was weird. Why would he want a pic of S and I?

So it was strange. Not bad but strange.

[ClingingToHope]

Yes. A little strange, but if I remember right you filed didn't you. Even though he pushed you to it, he probably has some regret and wants the photo for sentimental reasons.

[awest1217]

I get that CTH, but he moved out over 2 years ago and has been living with OW on/off until one year ago when they moved in together, although his mail still goes to his parents. I asked him a couple of months before the D was final if this is what he wanted because of him stalling all the time and he never said anything, but the next day had everything done.

Right now all is well. It was a very busy beginning of the week and next week the end will be busy. Today I am exhausted for some reason. Maybe it is all the fresh air? Maybe it is lack of good sleep? I have noticed a desire for companionship again, which I haven't felt since beginning of the summer. Must be hormonal cycles.

One week and I am back at work. I am looking forward to this year since this is the first summer since high school where I had fun and relaxed. so glad to have my life back!