Life, the Universe and DBing

[LearningPatience]

Has she said what she really wants or expects from MC?

Based on my (few) interactions with her, she doesn't know what she wants. I take that back, she wants to run away from everything, but other than that...

She mentioned that her IC thinks we need to work on communication. My MIL has said the same thing to us (individually). I don't know if that's our #1 problem, but it would be up there. I *think* that's what W might be thinking in term of MC.

She is still with OM correct?

Can you really repair your M while she is still with OM?

Short answers: yes and no
Detailed ramblings: by 'with' OM, I think it's more of having someone around, on both of their parts. W has said (FWIW) a lot of things over the past few months to lead me to believe they do not have a romantic R. Friends have mentioned that they do not appear affectionate to each other (in public at least). Yes, she did sleep with him at least once early on. I'm as sure as I can be that it didn't continue.

I've known OM for a decade or so. I've seen where he had one woman he was interested in who did not feel the same about him. He followed her around like a puppy dog for at least a year and she strung him along. I think it may be the same here, but again, I can't be sure.

As far as OM being in the picture if and/or when W and I reconcile, W knows it's my boundary. At least now she does after my May letter to her. Am I saying 'drop him this moment?' No. But true reconciliation will require that. Nothing can go forward between us without that, and I think that's where a MC might be helpful.

One last thought on this subject, and it's pure conjecture on my part. I think W is embarrassed/ashamed to be around our group of friends, especially alone. I think that's another reason she does things with OM. He's one of the few people she hasn't alienated. She mentioned trying some new activities last weekend to meet new people. In the same convo, she said again that our group is 'my friends'. I can't disagree with her there.

My guess, right now, she will use MC as a ‘safe’ forum to say things you do not want to hear.

Heh, already been there. My IC saw the two of us a few times last winter. W used the opportunities to complain about me. Lots. Nothing nasty, but very little introspection on her part. I was good at validating, and IC did push back where he thought necessary.

One complaint W had at the time (and I agree now) is that my IC wasn't solution focused. He's more of a sounding board. Helpful in that aspect, but not helpful in moving forward.

At this point, I can't think of anything W would say that I haven't heard before. No, that's not a challenge I obviously still love her, but I'm also moving on with my life. It would be nice if she came along.

IF she brings it up again, up to you. But I would advise against you pushing the issue.

The funny thing is, *she's* the one who keeps asking 'what should we do' when she sees me. I wish I could drag her out of her confusion, but she's gotta figure that out herself. It took me until recently to figure that out for my own sake.

No pushing. I'm going to the new MC no matter what she does/says. She's welcome to join me, both in MC and life, but she's got to do the work, I can't carry her through this.