I can take that punch!

[Redo]

Journaling....

In the midst of my humdrum boring days, i had a drama today with my wife...

She called me up in the morning to tell me something about daughter's glasses and its case. I told her that she could get one from Target. Then she told me some of daughter's antics. we laughed and then hung up.

I was lil surprised as to why wife called me up just for the glasses' case.

Then later i get a call at work. Wife asked if i had some time to talk.

I definitely cannot write in 2step's standard convo way.

We talked for almost 2 hours. The baseline was that wife was getting flak from her family on patching up. I listened, validated and symphatized with her.

At one point she said "You are better off because you are alone and no one makes you feel bad". To which i said "You don't know that. I dont tel you anything that happens on my side. I don't think you should assume" Then she got upset. Made me laugh. It is the same old her. zero change. I just told her that what she was doing was wrong. She gets upset for that. So i did tell her "At this state i dont know what our relationship is supposed to be. You called me to talk and vent and here I am. Listening to hear you talk." Then she backed down.

What i took away from the convo was that she was feeling very bad about what her family was tossing her way and she wanted validation that was she did was justified.

I did channel some 25 her way saying "you can chose to be happy or right"

I told her that she needs to figure out what makes her happy etc. That yes, she did contribute to 50% of the marriage's failure. That yes i accepted full responsibility on how i was immature during our marriage.

Then i had to hang up. I had a meeting to attend.

So later i call her again in the afternoon. After some intial talk on the same subject, i said "Okay P, I am gonna ask you something. I promised myself that i would not ask this after what i had been through. I am just gonna ask this once. Do you wanna work on the marriage?. Take your time and let me know. If you yes, we will have a long way ahead of us to re-patch. But I will treat you as a woman is supposed to be treated by a mature guy. And i'll expect the same from you. If you No, thats okay too. I know what i want in my life. I'll find someone to be happy with." to which she said "I dont think i can say yes or no. I am scared of my cyclic nature of our arguments. We have lul and then we have volcanoes." I said "take your time"

But then she had to hang up as daughter came back from kindergarten.

Interesting convo. On one hand my heart was pumping thinking "what if she says no". Then i thought "Yay! if she says no then i'll find someone cute, awesome and great and then i'll be happier and make that new person happy too with all my new skills"

Quite a change for the guy who cried like a baby when wife left back in Jan. I dunno. No matter what happens, i think i can live it and thrive in it.

Feeling lil good today.