Pretty sure this is a MLC or Identity Crisis

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=scaredashell]Having a bad PMA day today. W is having affair #2 and is insulting my intelligence by lying awfully about it.

Understandable you'd have a hard time with this^^^. Who wouldn't?

I am not big on diagnosing MLCs b/c I think those who overly focus on it, do so to foster hope in their situations. While there is always hope, I don't know of real evidence suggesting an MLCer is more likely to return...sorry.


But your focus on YOUR OWN work is sound and healthy. How is THAT going?

What are your 180s?

and your GALs?

...."I am going to watch movies with x" and then returns the next day at 8 am wreaking of booze and cologne.

I know that the A's are just bandaids, but has anyone ever worried that the bandaids may be infected

A lot of folks worry about the STDs. I wasn't one of them, BUT that's largely b/c of who my h was/is. (Just not the type to ML to a high risk person.)

IDK your w or what her sexual habits are. I do think there are many around here with poor information about what sexual habits transmit HIV though...


and if getting back together with W down the line she may have an STD??? I figure before having sex with her (which for me she would have to be completely out of the tunnel) she would have to prove that A's are completely over and that she is STD free. This may seem like too many stipulations but I figure i need to protect myself.


They ^^^ stipulations--, aka, "conditions precedent" and

you are not in a position to have them if you also have expectations of her meeting them.

I am not saying not to have them, just sort of shaking my head at why you think they are relevant NOW...b/c

you are getting way ahead of yourself.

I worry you are looking for ANY sign that she is in MLC for hope and like I said, I believe in hope.

But not b/c of a "trigger" event she had (her gastric bypass) from 9 years ago...(really? You thought that was a "trigger" for a MLC??)

she's in her early 30s...9 years ago she wasn't having a MLC-- but she lost weight and presumably became more attractive to OMs...maybe for the first time.

she's likely the "ugly duckling" sister but that is NOT the sister's "fault"...

her issues with her sister on her sister's wedding day are so self absorbed that it's sad. Frankly, your w has got a ton of baggage.

I wonder about how the pregnancy affected her and post partum depression as well. But then, wasn't she a bit "off" before all that, correct?

Or does it seem to center around hormonal issues? (The abortion, the pregnancy and then the delivery...IDk)

TO me, that makes more sense than MLC.

But the thing is, her behavior is very destructive to the marriage no matter what the cause.

as for my other thoughts...YOU and your work...how is it going?

AND

how much do you think you could get past, down the road?

Sometimes an LBSer finds that simply too much has happened that goes way beyond our "deal breaker" lines...

and when that happens, we realize we are fighting for a marriage simply to "win" (egos)

and not b/c we actually want THAT marriage and

not b/c we can actually envision reconciling.

Other times, an LBSer finds they can take a lot more pain and forgive, or work on it, than they realized.

So, Can you truly envision what reconciliation would look like?

And can you put aside your fears of losing your d?

Frankly, I doubt it's possible she can deny you joint custody (which courts favor, NOT "moms"...although physical custody may be different--don't trust rumors that are out of date. Ask the L. Empower yourself w/knowledge. )

The only way you would "lose" your d is if you are found you unfit. NOT going to happen.

Also, don't assume her adultery is relevant to custody (assuming she does not expose d1 to it).

Most states separate the marital issues from the parenting ones...

double check before you use empty threats that make her do something crazy, like make up an abuse story so she "wins".
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Hang in there, and do YOUR work so you are a truly better man for it.

Then leave the results up to God.

5-6 years ago I'd have given my m about a 10% chance of success. So you never know...

b/c we don't know what we don't know.

Make sense?

(( ))
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