if my W came to the house tonight begging for another chance I don't know what I would say. Maybe I'd say, "OK but there are a lot of things that have to change."
And even then, how long would that last before we fell back into the old destructive ways?
We want to be with someone who loves us for who we are (not who they want us to be), is crazy about us and will miss us when we are not there. Anything less is unacceptable, IMHO.
I agree with you completely. You definitely wouldn't want too much too soon. And you do not want to return to the old M, at any cost. I think you're doing the right thing by imposing a mental deadline to give it some time and then make a decision.
As a DB friend reminded me on my thread, "you are the only one who can know what the breaking point for your marriage is." Just keep praying about it so you will have peace with whatever ends up happening. I hope you enjoy your evening, lc4
Thanks, lc4. Evening was good; moved a few more things around in the house, got a good solid 2 hour workout at the gym and watched the one and only episode of "Burn Notice" on Hulu (since I don't have a TV yet).
Trying to not wonder what my W is doing in her new place...
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Let me save you the trouble from wondering what W is doing....she's bored and lonely and miserable and missing Telemark...crying until her eyes are swollen shut and her head is throbbing. DUH!!! Seriously, I hope you are able to put her out of your mind as much as possible. I know it's hard. If I could, I would give you my TV to help distract you. Other than watching "The Lincoln Lawyer" last night on PPV, I don't think I've turned it on once for myself since H moved out. Glad you had a good evening; hopefully that nice, long workout will help you sleep well tonight. Keep taking care of you...lc4
Let me save you the trouble from wondering what W is doing....she's bored and lonely and miserable and missing Telemark...crying until her eyes are swollen shut and her head is throbbing. DUH!!!
Just got caught up. First night alone huh? Peace alone can be a great opportunity.
Just a quick note on the "stop DBing" thing. I think you need to think about what DBing means to you. Because you may find. You never want to stop. AND. It will have nothing to do with your W. Just a thought.
Quote:
On the positive side, I get to move my music studio from the basement where I was sharing it with the spiders, and into one of the bedrooms on the first floor (it's a 4 bedroom house so I'll have space for my studio/office and the manly media room).
I'm intrigued. What do you do?
When we bought the house I am in now. One of my main reasons for wanting it was it had this addition that would be perfect for my 'music room.'
Big speakers. Big amp. Turntable. CDs and a wall full of records.
That room is my little piece of heaven.
Be well man.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Let me save you the trouble from wondering what W is doing....she's bored and lonely and miserable and missing Telemark...crying until her eyes are swollen shut and her head is throbbing. DUH!!!
jbnati likes this.
Sounds like you had a productive evening. 2 hour workout? Man, that's impressive.
Keep working on being the best Telemark you can be.
Now you get to look forward to doing dinner with your D tomorrow night.
lc4, I don't think W is that miserable. She has always preferred being alone to being with others, even her own kids. She has very few friends. She told me that as a teenager she would spend hours outside playing by herself. In the last several years she would sit at her computer all evening playing games. She might be lonely but I think - yeah, I know, mind-reading - she is content.
But that's OK, because I'm content, too.
CS, that's an interesting observation about the "stop DBing" comment. If you take the term "DB" literally, the inference is that one wants to stop the impending divorce.
I'm still on the fence about that one.
But we have come to accept the term "DB" as more than that; it becomes a way of life, of self-improvement. Busting the divorce is a side effect. So looking at it in that light, I will continue the way of life that I have discovered through DB. Maybe I'll call it something else, like "Old-Me-Busting" (OMB, for short).
And to answer your other question, I'm an amateur musician; that's why the music studio is a big part of my life and sanity. Lots of guitars, banjos, mandolins, amps and all of the other goodies that go along with them. I'll be glad to get them all up on the main floor.
jb & KD, youse guys rock. (Actually, you all rock). Thanks as always for your comments.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
You are very correct we all do want to be with someone who loves us for who we are (not who they want us to be), is crazy about us and will miss us when we are not there.
I know for me it is my boys that are keeping me from wanting to stop the divorce, they seem so little to be going through this. But at some point I need to be happy too, right?
Keep your chin up Telemark!!! I hope you have a great time with your D!
