Do I stay or do I go?

[anyhope]

I know. While I try to detach the best I can and not interfere nor ask questions, I'm still curious as to how things are progressing. I know I have to GAL big time. Two issues with that are that over the years I have not become real good friends with anyone. If there is a desease called phone phobia, I have it. I don't call anyone to keep in touch, he was my friend all along and now that he's not I'm even deeper in. We are pretty social, so I always interact with people from our group when we go out or if they come over I just don't have a close friend I could really count on right now. I do talk to two of our friends and one of them I trust, I trust the other as well, but I kind of have a feeling we hang up the phone and she calls around to others to give updates on our marriage, which doesnt bother me that much, people talk either way, but still. The other issue is that I don't have a steady job. I've been working towards paying off my credit cards and one was paid and there was some money put on another ( both were maxed out for years) now that we're no longer 'together' I've lived off one and already had to start using the other to pay bills. I'm trying to get a job, any job at this point that would hire me to at least make as much as I spend, until I do get a job really getting a life is limited to going to the gym, walking my dog and such. I can't really go out or go shopping which would be great ;-) I have a few spa certificates I got months ago that are already paid for and could just use.. I wanted to use one this week, but they said they were so busy they're booking for next month. I have another for another place maybe I'll try to use that. I need some good in my life right now... I know if I found a job i'd be a lot more confident and happy with myself and I didn't have as much time to think about us so much, so really my goal right now is not ever relationship related I just want to work somewhere, even if only part time, so I can at least support myself (which I always did until a year ago)