Loving, Listening, and Letting Go..

[aeolianchaos]

So, instead, develop internal peace, which is not bound by a beginning or end.

Then enjoy your external pleasures while they last. When they end. No worries. The peace never leaves.

Nice. I think this is also how we develop the courage to change ourselves - when we realize that it's our internal well being that will matter most, ultimately. And its the one we can really control.


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W emailed me back at 1am "I dont know what I would talk about- I guess there's nothing really specific."

So.. weird. Totally out of my control. Although I did txt her today to see if she wanted some of our weekly veggies subscription (corn... I can't eat corn.. why did they include corn?) We'll see if she even responds. Seems like the past week or so there has been a little pulling away.

Might be the discomfort of Friday - moving her stuff and confronting that step of things. Guess I really can't know one way or the other unless I were to ask her. And what are the odds she would be honest or even necessarily know herself?

Followed up on a couple job apps. today.. sure would be nice to land one of those. Although the one I want the most, I suspect is not going to be hiring for another month or so because they are relocating to downtown. Grr.. I would really like to line something up so I can start looking for a new apartment. This one is going to feel very empty come Friday evening.

What exactly does one do in this kind of situation? Wait? Develop other kung fu styles?


Just got an e-mail from WAW:

I had a ton of errands to run- getting ready for Friend's visit. I'm going to yoga with another Friend in an hour or so-
I'll see you on Friday Morning....around 9, if thats ok with you.
Hope you had a nice day, it was beautiful out.

I don't know why this bugs me. I don't want it to bug me. I'm not dependent on her for my sense of self. At least, I'm working at being more independent from her.. logically I know I'm not.. it's impossible. But psychologically perhaps there is something there still. Or maybe its just sadness..