Im just going to give up.

[Queen_of_Swords]

I wish this man would go to therapy. I pray he would. But its a no go. I wish i knew how to get him there. The strain of this on our children is immense. It hurts so bad to hear their feelings of him. They are so deeply hurt. My D told me yesterday not once has he attempted to even say he was sorry for what he has done. Not even tried. Instead he wants a relationship with his children to be like nothing has happened between us. They are adult children. They know whats going on.

Rue are you going to therapy? Are your kids?

I know from my own experience thus far, the healthier emotionally I become, the less STBX can hurt me.
Yes I still have bad days, but they are fewer between and I'm overall much happier than I have been in a very long while.

The more I focus on my emotional health,well being, and making my own happiness in the present, the more I realise that until STBX looks in the mirror, and deals with the old patterns of being and the old emotional pain that's driving his behaviour, there isn't going to be that much chance of a healthy relationship in the future.

Ultimately that's the only way we will be together in the end, both healthy and together, or apart while one is still back there struggling in the muck.

Right now Rue, to be baldly honest, you need to do what Brooklyn told me to do. Let him blow in the wind. You can't change him, his behaviour or his perceptions. That's in your H's and God's hands Rue.

The only thing you've got control over is how you respond ( not react unthinkingly), how you choose to perceive the situation, and how you take care of becoming emotionally mature, healthy and happy in the NOW for yourself. I sincerely hope you make the decision to focus on that.