Hmmmm....just trying to put the shoe on the other foot. If I dated a guy who DIDN'T want to have sex for the first three months - I think I'd lose interest before the three months was up, because I would assume this is someone who doesn't have that strong a drive (and that can definitely be a problem with guys my age, a problem I am hoping to avoid).
Don't get me wrong, I'm not sex-crazed or anything - but I still have a healthy normal drive like I did when I was younger and that would be an important aspect of any relationship to me.
I don't think any man is going to say, "nah, I'd rather not," if you said you wanted to have sex, high or low sex drive. Might you have to initiate it more often? Maybe - sounds like you'd be in the driver's seat for that, which isn't a bad place to be.
I know that there was one guy who seemed like a good possibility for me, and I messed it up by going too fast - got to keep the hormones in check. And that was just old fashioned necking! He was into it at the time, but I got the polite let-down via email right after. I think guys feel it is a sign of desperation / neediness if we act too quickly, if they don't have the "hunt" and make sure that they know more about us first.
Also, some guys date for access to sex. Others date to find someone to have a relationship with. You have to ask yourself, which do you want?
Live and learn...I would definitely wait until I knew someone much better, first. I had my "fling," where I knew it was all about sex and that we had nothing else in common - it was fun, but I also knew it had an end-point. I didn't want a relationship with him. Going forward, I have decided that I would want a relationship, and I accept that it can take a lot of people to meet and time to find someone worth it. I might not count the number of dates, especially if there is other communication between them. But 3 months doesn't sound like too long.
Did you ever consider the fact that your being so willing to have sex without really knowing who it is you're having sex with is the exact reason that you find yourself in this place?
I have to say that I agree with the others. I wasn't willing to re-live past mistakes and this time I wanted something much different. The last thing I would have considered in a man that took his time to get to know me was that he had a low sex drive. What I do know is that the guy I have in my life now has been in the picture for years. Not only was he willing for us to get to know each other but he was willing to give me the space to allow me to put my children first.
As I write this I am in a relationship with a kind, caring and truly selfless man who always puts my needs above his. I'm not exactly sure how long we dated before we had sex, but it was a while. So in my case when it did happen I knew that he wasn't there just for the sex but for the log haul.
Did I have an intuition, OT? I don't remember. I thought he seemed so sincere and into me! Apparently that intuition was wrong, since he hasn't called or texted in almost a week. And as my French guy friend says - "If he has time to go to the bathroom, he has time to text you" lol!
Lol - I wasn't the one who thought it was weird, y'all thought it was weird! I thought he was charming and sweet.
Interestingly, my ex-boyfriend's take on it (the guy who dumped me for his old college flame) - he thinks it simply got too intimate for him to handle. Which actually is the ex-boyfriend's story, haha - he's doing a little projecting there.
I am glad you realize that stuff like that is far from the norm. Also far from smooth sailing. I am guessing she was his first and couldn't get her out of his head.
I still say it depends on what you are looking for regardless of your sex drive. Any relationship worth having is going to take time and effort. If you don't want to be a booty call, don't be one. Pretty simple.
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
