I do have compassion in my heart for him. I think thats parat of the problem. I care to much. I have told him this many times but it doesnt seem to matter. This is a man who has lied to me, lied to our children, his family, cheated numerous times but yet i cant let go. I want to. I dont know any other way than this way. My life with him and our kids. I am struggling everyday with this. How or what can I say to him? The OW lives out of state and he sees her a few times a month. Is that what he wants and needs and all he needs? I want to be angry with him because maybe that will help me move on. I have had moments of anger but then feel guilty and feel like he sees a person he would never want to be with again. My heart just simply aches constantly. I wish he would sit down with me and just talk. But I think if he does that he would maybe realize what he has lost. But the underlying factor is....is what people would think of him. He doesnt like people to think he has done anything wrong. If he ever decided to come back he would tell people around him (and thats not many people) that he HAD to for my sake so some stupid reason. He will never let people know he made a mistake. NEVER. He values what others think of him more than his own family. Sad i know. That alone should make me mad right? He has alway been that way. The great guy that everyone likes. But it was his family who suffered. He told me yesterday I never appreciated how he provided for me or our family. I have never spoken those words to him. But yet this is something he has conjured up in his mind. I do believe he is in a great deal of pain but he would never let anyone know it. He has never never never been one to lash out at anyone. So its so hard to comprehend that side of him. I wish this man would go to therapy. I pray he would. But its a no go. I wish i knew how to get him there. The strain of this on our children is immense. It hurts so bad to hear their feelings of him. They are so deeply hurt. My D told me yesterday not once has he attempted to even say he was sorry for what he has done. Not even tried. Instead he wants a relationship with his children to be like nothing has happened between us. They are adult children. They know whats going on. In fact my daughters are the ones who found out about the affair currently and the past ones. THey had to tell me about it. They confronted him about a past one and he said he would talk to them about it but never did. So this wasnt easy for them to tell their mom about what their dad was doing. I know he has done wrong. Very wrong. But this is to much to throw away. I believe he does have problems. Possibly some addictions. But he will never admit it. Instead he walks away. It was just easier for him i guess.
Thank you so much for your advice. I am trying but to be honest i am really struggling.
