As to her symptoms, I was always very supportive and kind when these things happened. Our sex life was pretty abysmal for years because she had no interest in sex, but I feel like most of the time, I was a trooper about it. I didn't complain or pressure her because I knew that it was hell for her to have to cope with all of this. I did let my sexual frustration be known a couple of times, but mostly, I did everything I could to help her get through her painful symptoms.
I have no doubt that she's feeling confused and alone. When the A first started, she described symptoms of confusion, disassociation, and feelings as though her mind was "breaking." My first instincts were symptoms related to her abuse history, and now those instincts are returning to me... Combining her personal history with the affair fog, I understand that it will be a rocky road that I will travel this next stretch of time. I understand that only she can come to figure out exactly what she needs... Until then, I will always be her friend. That's what I promised to do when we got married, and it's what I promised to do after she left as well.
I don't think that I'm co-dependent on her. I think that I put too much emphasis on her and our R for my happiness, which I'm working on, but I don't feel driven to be her "caretaker" or anything. I did grow up in an alcoholic household, but I think I've coped quite well with any symptoms that may have resulted. I myself am not an alcoholic, nor do I think I ever will be. I'm self-aware of what can happen when the drink is taken too far.
