I'm so glad that you posted to us on this DB site.
I have read your last 2 posts since the funeral and would like to make a few comments...
YES...........You are going to feel waves and waves of emotions for a long time. Its so early in the grieving process. You have had a terrible terrible shock and im so glad to see you post that you will need help for U and your sons.
You commented that you felt her at the service....I truly believe that she was there for you and the kids. She is finally at peace......she feels the strength that you carry, she knows that you will love those boys with all your heart. I'm sure you made her proud.
A loved ones Euology has to be one of the hardest things on earth. I'm proud of you and amazed that you could carry this off.
When I think of a persons suicide and what emotions it brings to the family that is left behind...... I think of the Five stages of Death by Kubler-Ross
I see some of that in your posting...
1. Denial......" NO...no..no this can't have happened! 2. ANGER.... at yourself, at her, at OM, at God the anger is going to be there until you can forgive. 3. Bargaining......well its too late for that, but I feel this goes hand and hand with " If I had only done this or only done that, ( If i had only been there ) when she needed me.....Nine I have never ever seen a man fight for their marriage the way that you did. Please don't second guess yourself. 4. Depression.. yes it will come...and this is an area that you all ready realize that you are going to utililze professional help for you and your sons.
and Finally......It will come..Acceptance......Man it will be a long long road for you to finally accept what has happened, But its the best feeling in the world. When you say to yourself " It was gods will " she is in peace and you will FIND that peace also. I really dont want to struggle anymore.
JUST know that you have a loving family around you Many Many people sending you prayers.....
