Sorry for getting emotional guys, but that hurt. I'm not perfect, but to say it is my fault he cheated is just wrong. He owns that.
The last thing I would want to do is add more hurt to your pain. And, asking if you thought you were a perfectionist was not a slam or put-down at all. A perfectionist is not a perfect person nor do they see themselves as being perfect. I was trying to get a better picture of what you were like.
I was not giving a 2x4 and I was not telling you anywhere in my post to not tell your H "no".
Tina, I'm on your side. I don't know why you or Starsky would think I was telling you not to continue to support your family. Sorry, if I gave that impression.
You asked what I would do. Actually, I was in the same boat as you, at one time. Our salary was much lower, but it was still the H not working and just sitting around. I was scared we would lose our home. We almost did.
I had lost respect for my H due to him not taking care of his family responsibilities. It was very hard to start showing him any kind of respect again. I was just like you....I was very angry. So, in many ways, I understand you.
I took care of my bills (our children are grown and not living in the home) and I had to allow him to face whatever happened as a result of him not getting a salary. (He is self-employed). It was very scary times.
One of the hardest things for me was not to be on his back about going to work and reminding him of all the bills due.
If I were in your shoes, I think I would take care of my kids and whatever our needs were (home, clothes, ete.) but I would not give H any money. That may sound cold, but that would be my starting point. Don't let him live off of you. Don't pay for any "toys" he might want or anything he asks for himself.
Anyway, I'll bow out and let the others help you. I wish you all the happiness possible.
(hugs) Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
