BE CAREFUL DBING

[ninelives]

well the service was beautiful and went off withou a hitch.

my boys were simply amazing and somehow were able to keep it together.

\the priest was so good and delivered an amazing serom. between me nad her best friend , i think k we delivered a very heartflet euology. I felt her and wanted to make her proud. The hall was filled to overflow. i was very proud of that.

i will post my eulogy at some point today.

we went back to my place and along with some of my closest friend and family, managed to have a decent time but i keep having waves.

there was no viewing but we did get a chance to be with the body for a while.

one bad thing happend. some of her dclose friends told me about her relationship with om. how they never understood it but could not get her to see reason. her best friend told me that he beat her once b4 and she tried to get my w to leave him or to see a red flag, but my w said that it was an isolated ocassionn and he would never do it again. the whole thing actually led me to anger and when i saw her lying there, with no life in that beautiful body, i pictured him breathing and saw red.

i know it wasnt the right emotion but i couldnt help it, i actually went outside the hall and my strides to go to where he is underhouse arrest and wanted to beat him to a pulp. my nephew and best friend had to restrain me a little. its just not fair that that arsehole is breathing and rumour has it that he is courting another already. I know i need to focus on my boys but he is getting away literally with murder in my eyes.

this will not bring her back , i know all this but i cant seem to let go of the anger.

her friends told me that she so wanted to come back to the family but felt even less worth y than b4 of having this great family.
She needed more time. Another tough part was holding her new councilor who i know quite well. She told me that she felt helpless with my w because they only had one session and she looked forward to working with her and she believed she could have helped her. small town huh.