Well thank you. I was quite happy how everything turned out. There were lots of little things that we talked about that I left out, but there's only so much to write before it just becomes a wall of text.
Went to a party last night where I had some confusion that I was invited (details unimportant) but finally realized I should take the positive approach. Had a good time and reconnected with some people I hadn't seen in a while.
Just finished making some beef vegetable soup in my crock pot. I should wake up to some yummy smells and tastes in the morning.
Good start to living, IMHO. But I don't see it as a goal, but as something to keep striving for as long as I'm breathing. Goals imply a finish, there should be no finish to *living* until you aren't anymore.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
It's funny when you know the next scene of your life before it happens, based on everyone else's stories and your own experiences.
I sent W an email Sunday night thanking her for the concern she showed for S14. She replied back saying that she didn't always show it, but she does care for my boys and wants the best for them.
Monday, to test the waters just a bit (maybe a toe or two) I sent W a comic strip that was relevant to her company (well, Dilbert, which is universally applicable). Didn't expect any response, so when I didn't get one, I was still slightly disappointed, but knew that was emotion vs. knowledge.
I slept horribly last night, so it wasn't too surprising I was down a bit this morning. The whole good day followed by reality feeling. Again, I intellectually expected this to happen, so I wasn't too surprised. W did eventually respond back, enjoyed the joke and asked about some mail she was expecting.
Kept myself very busy after work, despite how tired I was, and it helped. Returned some recyclables, checked out books for my thesis, and made a call regarding guitar lessons.
I also called a MC that specializes in remarriages and blended families and made an appointment. Verified her views on M, and she let me know that she would never tell a couple that they should D, that's their call to make. I don't know if W ever got a name from her IC. On one hand, I know that I shouldn't be the one bringing up R talks, but I'm not sure how I would know if W has an MC she'd rather see instead if I don't. MC I talked to said she can do individual or couples, and the appointment isn't for a week and a half, so I have lots of options regarding this.
So, that's my life in a nutshell. That, and my right thigh is sore from all the running and I'm losing a toenail! This GAL stuff can be hazardous if you aren't careful
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
That, and my right thigh is sore from all the running and I'm losing a toenail! This GAL stuff can be hazardous if you aren't careful
Man I hear you there. I'm haven't run in almost two weeks because my body's rebelling from playing catcher in a softball game. You're doing great with the running! Keep it up, man.
I saw your concern about CS posting. I guess it could be 2x4 or you could be in for a good laugh. CS - thanks for keeping it light around here.
Heh, CS, don't blame you for not looking back through my posts, I've got the 'wall of text (tm)' thing covered.
I had been planning on doing some MC work myself. I like my current IC, but I feel I've come as far as I can with him. I spend my sessions just rehashing the past week or two. Verbal form of journaling, I guess.
Last Sunday, and the time before when we had R talk, W keeps asking me 'what should we do?', like she wants me to make the decision so she doesn't have to. Finally, I asked W if she thought about MC. She said she had and had got a name from her own IC. However, this was right before I went dark on her in a letter (May 20ish or so). She was so mad and filled with hate for me that she ripped up the MC information.
Sunday, W said that she'd get the name again. She said her IC thinks we have a communication problem. I agree, but I think there's more than that. She was supposed to get the name on Monday during her own IC session. I haven't asked if she got a name, as I didn't want to push any R talk. Did I mention our communication problem?
I don't know how committed or serious W was about MC. She seems serious about getting out of this limbo. So the questions I have are do I ask her if she got a name? Do I mention that I had an MC in mind? Let her take the lead or run with it myself?
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
DG, I won't go into the details, but no, it doesn't hurt, but it wasn't like it was ripped off or anything. Think of it as like our M's, the nail and toe just grew apart
I hope so too, DG, we shall see...
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
A little more random journaling before I hit the magic 100 post mark:
I guess the best way to describe how I feel about W's pullback after Sunday is annoyed. Not surprised or even sad, just annoyed. Part of me wants to tell her "You told me how angry and hate-filled you were when I went dark. I've extended the olive branch and you haven't made any attempt to engage me. WTF do you want?" Now, would this get me closer to or further from my goal? I know the answer to that, but the inner Loki in me would like to send it anyhow
I have no idea why it popped into my head, but I spent yesterday thinking about our honeymoon trip to Tahiti/New Zealand. Not in the context of honeymoon, just in terms of cool places I've been. Didn't even think of W being with me for the trip; I dunno...
I do want to send her an email saying something like "W, I don't know if you ever spoke with your IC about this, but I had planned on talking to another C before we ever brought the subject up. I made an appointment with (C name) for Sunday the 21st at 1pm. Her specialty is healing within R and remarriages. You are welcome to come with me if you'd like to start MC; otherwise I'll use her for my own healing needs. Let me know if you'd like more details."
Any thoughts on this? Edits? 2x4s? Bueller?
Final positive end to this entry... a female friend posted on my FB wall yesterday "I saw you running down (street) today! You looked great! Very runner-esque!" Besides the public ego boost, the best part about this: this female friend was OM's last gf before my W and she can't stand him
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
CS - thanks for keeping it light around here.
