Originally Posted By: cam
Validate when appropriate.


Everything else makes sense, but this??
Please explain your thinking here?
Thanks CS


Well, I am not sure what part doesn't make sense.

The "when appropriate"

Or simply Validate.

For "when appropriate"

I said this because I see people, and in myself at times, take some of the things here too far.

For example, we are told to be "up beat."

But this does not mean skipping by your S whistling zippity do-da while they are buck naked with an OP.

It needs to be natural in a normal context.

So for in this context, do not call her and start validating everything and PUSHING it on her.

Now, as far as what "Validate" means. Of course to me. Is a form of empathy. It is understanding and "feeling" in a sense where our S is coming from.

IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU NECESSARILY AGREE WITH OR CONDONE THEIR ACTIONS.

But, it means you can understand where they are coming from.

So to put the two together.

IF your W decides to tell you things about why she left. Why she was unhappy. Why she felt this or that. Validate. Understand. Empathize with her.

Just listen. Understand where she is coming from.

Now, one rub. This does NOT mean you let her personally attack you. It does NOT mean being a "doormat."

There are some fuzzy lines to this stuff.

But I believe, finding some true peace for yourself, will make it much clearer.

BITS

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.