I guess I never initiated anything on holidays for a number of reasons. I felt that he had made himself clear that as far as he was concerned it was over. Also there was no real opportunity. We slept in seperate rooms. He generally went straight to bed when the kids did (or down to use the internet to talk to her) - I think only one night we sat and watched tv. And yes I was fearful he'd reject me, cause a scene and I'd be stuck in a foreign country with a husband who resented me even more.
I don't talk to him about anything other then the children and money issues. I don't bring up her name at all. Apart from when it started and I told him that I didn't believe it had just happened I haven't mentioned it to him.
Her daughter is 5 - my kids are 6 - they all adore each other. For him life is probably easier - he has one less child now. He only has my kids one night a fortnight - 3 kids to 2 parents - it's just a fun game for him.
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
I have lost just over 20kg this year - that's about 44lbs - I've gone from 224lbs to 176lbs. So yes my new size shows and I am wearing new and different clothes that do show off my new shapely body. I now weigh less then I did when we first met.
Sex was great until we had kids. He reckons it was 12 months after having our twins before we had sex again - I disagree - 6 months maybe - but I never argued with him when he said it was over 12 months.
Yes I have rejected him before saying I'm tired etc. My not wanting sex is probably due to a number of reasons - my weigh and not feeling happy with my body, tiredness (I run a full-time business, keep house and look after two kids), and the fact that he's hardly around (works 7 - 6pm). Last year after he broke his hand and was home for 3 weeks (kids were at school) I found him irresistable - we had sex a few times a day - he must have wondered what happened. I'm not sure if it was because he was hurt and vulnerable (was his right hand so I had to help him dress, cut his food up etc), or if he was around more. After he went back to work the sex slowly stopped and went back to once or twice a month.
Nits are lice and I told him they came home with them last time. He (well OW) treated them this time. We are in Australia and it's the middle of winter so my kids are already in school and can't go with lice unless they've been treated. I check their hair every day and eventually we get rid of all of them. Will be interesting to see if they come home with them again next fortnight.
I am seeing a counsellor and I do need to make a Dr's appointment. I guess I just thought that was married life - me tired, not wanting sex as much etc - never thought there might be something medically wrong. I also know we speak different love languages. I felt he didn't help much around the case - hence being tired and not wanting sex. But I did notice when we did have sex he would help more around the house etc. Looking back I now realise how big a problem it was - but at the time he never said anything so I had no idea!
I know pre kids too we would do things like tie each other up etc - we stopped doing that after kids. I guess we got bored - especially after struggling to have kids - sex did become a chore to make a baby. I guess I never forgot that and made it become the pleasurable act it should be.
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
He is 34, I'm 36 - we are both well educated - come from unbroken homes. Financially things are great. We own our own home and an investment property. Both have great jobs - he works in IT - only finished high school, but has done a lot of courses and has a lot of on the job experience. He has a desk job. I wouldn't call him over adventurous. He's never really wanted to travel overseas etc - happy to stay in the country.
He was 20 when I met him and both of us were virgins. I was his first girlfriend.
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
He was a virgin, so there's probably a part of him that is curious about OWs in general...
glad to hear that money won't be a problem. God, that's refreshing to read.
I do think that you're very young to give up on sex so, that's why I'm so adamant about checking it out medically and maybe,
psychologically if nothing turns up physically.
I'm entering menopause, I guess. No symptoms except dropped libido but I got a checkup and ultrasound...found a tumor that was causing lots of problems, and since then I've seen 3 doctors this year and had a procedure. Thank God.
Thing is, my libido is returning and that's very cool for me.
Proves if there is a will there IS a way.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I guess in the back of my mind I was always worried that him being a virgin (me too) might one day be a problem. I guess that's also why I can understand why he left (not how but). Men are curious - of course he wants to know if the grass is greener. Most men I've spoken to have said that they think H will come back - he's just off sowing his seeds - like he should have done as a teenager.
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
he may well come back. Doesn't mean you don't work on you of course.
That's the thing about LBSers and WASs...the WAS goes off and assumes he has fixed "the problem"...
whereas the LBSer MUST work on herself b/c that's the only choice she has. Or to wallow...but the thing is,
we have no choice but to make the best of it. So most of us choose to grow.
The WASs will 2nd guess every choice he makes every time something goes wrong in his now perfect life...
He will wonder if the LBSer changed...and if the changes were real and might have been made in time
if only he had spoken up...
The LBSer will meet new people and work on resolving their most troubling traits. They will improve as people and become more loving in their lives.
They won't 2nd guess that choice b/c it was clearly the best healthiest choice.
But unless the WAS is truly happier in their new life even after time has passed
AND sees a miserable ex LBSer...
they will always 2nd guess & look over their shoulder.
The LBSer won't.
Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thanks. Yes it does make sense. I am growing. I can now look back and see how far I'm come in the short ten weeks since he left. And whilst I still have many days that I cry and wallow I know it's not going to bring him back.
I have two kids and a business - I need to make the best of my life as it's presented itself. My world fell apart when he left - it was so sudden - I never saw it coming, nobody saw it coming. Not even his parents and he's close to them. I feel like life is kicking me whilst I'm on the ground (since he left I've had a car accident, had work stresses, computers die (he always looked after that being in IT). I keep telling myself everything happens for a reason and at the end of all this I will be a much better person. I must admit till now life has been easy. I finished high school, went to uni, fell in love, got engaged, got a good job, built a great house, got married, got pregnant, had twins, sold our house for a great profit, both quit our great jobs, moved, both got new great jobs, built another great house, started my business. Life has been brillant. Both of our parents boast about how perfect our life is, and how well we are doing. Everything just always worked out for us. We didn't want for anything. I guess this is now life saying hey you've had it too easy for too long - you need to grow so here's some hard times to teach you.
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
It's far simpler for those of us posting to you to follow, if there's just one.
Second, don't assume life or God threw this at you as a test or b/c things were going too well for you.
But I did engage in that same thought process awhile back.
Marriage is a paradox. On one hand we take for granted that our spouse is telling the truth when they say they are working late...we have to trust.
On the other hand, we cannot take them for granted. What an odd balancing act.
So, Keep The Road Home Paved & Smooth...and
tell me how
marriage to you from this day forward, would be different than before.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I have just one thread. I think I had another initially but this is the one now.
Marriage to me from this day forward would be very different. I would not take my husband for granted anymore. I would make time for date nights at least once a fortnight. I would not work at night after he got home. I would not watch tv in the lounge room until late. I would schedule (I hate that word) sex at least 2 - 3 times a week. I would kiss him goodbye in the morning, and kiss him welcome home at night. I would put messages telling him how much I love him in his lunch. I would make sure that I was lying in bed beside him before he went to sleep (instead of being out watching tv). I would hold his hand when we walk anywhere. I would take time everyday after the kids had gone to bed to listen to him. To ask him how his day was. To find out how he really is. I would organise a night or two away for just us at least 4 times a year. I would try to spice up our love life - I would iniate sex, and also try it in different places, and different positions, etc.
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
