From this view, he could feel more like you are his mother instead of his W. You talk to him as if he's another one of the kids, and you even give him an allowance. I would tend to believe his self-respect is pretty low at this point, maybe even depressed, IDK.
What man wants to have a mother for a W? It sounds like a recipe for an A with some hottie.
You have good reason to be resentful toward him, but I'll bet those feelings show up to him, also. It sounds as if he just shoves it to the rear and doesn't try to change anything.
Would you say you are you a perfectionist?
One last interesting point before I get off this one, the 3 women he has been involved with were not "hotties". They were all his age or older. So maybe he DOES want a "mother".
H50 W44 M 4 D 29 D 28 D 26 S 22 S 20 D 17 S 15 S 5 D 3 1st Bomb 4/2009 Separated 2/2009 4 months 2nd Bomb 6/11 Separated 7/11 to ???
Earth to Tina. You are bouncing all over the place girl. I realize you are venting some hostility, but chill. First, no one said you were a perfectionist. They asked if YOU thought you were one, or did you think your H thought you were one.
I know this is going through he!!. Having your guts wrenched out of you just to have it done over and over again. We all get that. We've all been/are there. You are mixing your metaphors, so to speak. Do as Cadet says. Read the suggested materials. All of them. Print off the ones that impress you the most. Make it your mantra. This is a very hurtful, confusing time, but You have to take care of YOU first. Exit the drama. You do that by detaching, whether that is emotionally or physically, mentally, or all of the above. Pulling away is the only way to get a clear perspective on the situation. Yes it's hard. Makes you want to pull your hair out. And there is no time clock. No one can say it will be better in X amount of days. Life just doesn't work that way. Vent here all you want, but you might get a 2 x 4 back. That's our way of saying "Wait one DA@M minute."
For now girl, take a deep breath. Consider seeing your physician if you are having trouble sleeping, concentrating, etc. Your health is your first concern, not only for you but for your kids.
Why did I deserve a 2x4? I tried to do my best to follow the good advice YOU GUYS gave me, and I deserve a 2x4? What did I do wrong? Why did I deserve a 2x4?
H50 W44 M 4 D 29 D 28 D 26 S 22 S 20 D 17 S 15 S 5 D 3 1st Bomb 4/2009 Separated 2/2009 4 months 2nd Bomb 6/11 Separated 7/11 to ???
Earlier this year, we bought a little house as an investment. I paid for it with my bonus, and he was supposed to work on it. This was to be the beginning of a business for him that he wanted to start. I supply capital, he supplies work. A win/win.
Problem is we closed in February and he's done about 8 hours work. Needs maybe 100-150 hours to finish it.
Today he asked me if I would renew his gym membership because the doctor said he needs more exercise for his cholesterol. I also know from prior experience he will use a "trip to the gym" as a way to burn up half a day or more. They have basketball courts and hot tubs and a pool and a sauna....
I told him I would renew his gym membership after he finished working on the house and had it ready to rent. I said I am not trying to control you and I realize I can't "blackmail" you into finishing the house with a silly gym membership, but that I need him to show me he is ready to put our family priorities first and do the work he agreed to do before he starts working out again.
To my astonishment, he said he agreed. I expected a battle.
Good for you, Tina! Now let's see if he does it. Old habits are hard to break, and us humans are -- at the end of the day -- path-of-least-resistance creatures.
From this view, he could feel more like you are his mother instead of his W. You talk to him as if he's another one of the kids, and you even give him an allowance. I would tend to believe his self-respect is pretty low at this point, maybe even depressed, IDK.
What man wants to have a mother for a W? It sounds like a recipe for an A with some hottie.
You have good reason to be resentful toward him, but I'll bet those feelings show up to him, also. It sounds as if he just shoves it to the rear and doesn't try to change anything.
Would you say you are you a perfectionist?
What woman wants a child for a husband? I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS! I married a man with a JOB.
Sorry, Sandi, but I agree with Tina. No matter which came first -- the chicken or the egg -- she is still taking care of her family, while he is SHIRKING his duties as the husband.
One last interesting point before I get off this one, the 3 women he has been involved with were not "hotties". They were all his age or older. So maybe he DOES want a "mother".
No, I suspect that what he wants is a "sugar-momma," who will pay for his laziness, in exchange for sex.
Sorry to be so harsh (again), but it's a pretty old formula, actually.
Why did I deserve a 2x4? I tried to do my best to follow the good advice YOU GUYS gave me, and I deserve a 2x4? What did I do wrong? Why did I deserve a 2x4?
Tina, Sandi is one of the very best DBers we have here, and can offer you PRICELESS and unique advice as a formerly wayward wife caught up in an EA. 2x4s are given to challenge you; if you feel the advice doesn't fit, then say so, and give us more perspective. Sandi is as fair as they come.
Now let's see if he does it. Old habits are hard to break, and us humans are -- at the end of the day -- path-of-least-resistance creatures.