I won't tell you anything, but I can say for certain now - just from my own experience over here that BF has been being VERY VERY VERY nice to me lately at different times. Even solicitous and engaging. But he did clearly tell our C tonight he's very done and he's sorry if he caused me confusing by doing that, that he was just trying to be "friends."
Yeah I figured I'll at least let it sit for a while.
I guess I just feel like I will have to take the first step. She pursued me when we first met, but when she thinks someone is going to be mad at her.. oh does she avoid.
But I don't know.
Had a nice evening hanging out with some friends drinking a couple of beers and watching TV (I don't have TV so its a treat for me.. I guess?).
I'm impressed by my friends - newlyweds and they have definitely GAL.
I wish her 'tone' wasn't so straightforward. I know KD you have mentioned this in your thread - how your W treats it like its a simple transaction. I guess I'd like to think it meant more than that.
Yet.. she claims she needs 'moral support' for moving this stuff. Eh.. why is it that I seem to be morally supporting myself and not running to people crying about how hard it is (other than all of you.. ).. I could probably go on a bit of a snarky and bitter rant here. I'm going to go to bed.
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
W plans to take the bed because it was a gift from her parents for her bday last year.
Thing is, we got rid of MY old bed to make room for it.
Starting to feel agitated about this - on one hand, its a bed. Who cares.. it isn't a child or even a pet. On the other.. sleeping on an air mattress until I feel like I can afford to buy another bed w/o stressing my finances seems like no fun. There is an argument to be made for her paying me part of the cost since she is also taking the new sofa and the nice rugs. Tough to say... I do want to remain fair and evenhanded, but I feel like I am getting the air mattress, the handmedown chair, and a loveseat we were trying to get rid of a month before the PA was disclosed.
I responded to my W's email today (the one mentioned above) and just asked her "Would you like to talk about something?" I'm tired of having to wonder about what she actually wants so I figure I'll just ask her directly and let her decide whether or not to give me a straight answer. No pressure, no pleading, just asking for clarification. Of course I want the answer to be "yes.. I want to talk about putting the D on hold while I work on my guilt and other issues." But lets face it, the odds of that happening are... whatever they are, but not in my control.
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
Hey Aeo- Just wanted to drop by and say, keep your chin up. You're doing as best u can with what's been thrown at you.
There are so many similiarities with many waw's it's scary and a bit comical. I know we all hear it a lot on here-GAL, drop the rope,etc. but keep asking yourself what can I do for myself today, just today to make me feel good/better?
Somethng that helps me when I remember, is ask how am I feeling? And, if it's not good, I change my thoughts or what I'm doing. Don't want to psycho babble..try to get to a place where you're chasing experiences, circumstances, people and events that serve YOU!
I know u want your w back. It hurts, it is not fair and it nearly cripples us on some days. Remember, you deserve a great life! Feel it...ok, off soap box. Take care.
There are so many similiarities with many waw's it's scary and a bit comical. I know we all hear it a lot on here-GAL, drop the rope,etc. but keep asking yourself what can I do for myself today, just today to make me feel good/better?
Thanks for dropping in, D1. I appreciate what you said here.
I am working on this more and more - when W and I first met, I was a first year Grad student machine. Up at 6am, at school by 7 and generally there until about 10:30 or 11 each night.
Was lifting some serious weight at the time, too.. fair to say I was in above avg. shape.
I am saying this because I think about how at some point I started avoiding all these things - avoiding busting my a$$ for things I wanted, avoided hanging out with my friends, avoiding doing much. Yet I didn't find myself happier.. if anything, life got more and more unfulfilling. So why do I let the fact that my WAW is gone prevent me from pursuing some of that stuff now?
I don't want to overcompensate and become a workaholic - burnout [censored]. But certainly I'm wise enough to be able to seek balance in the process at this point. I hope!
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
We all get stuck. You are not alone on that. Consider not looking for reasons to be happy. What I mean is BE happy without any reason. Use the reasons to add to your happiness. It's what you bring to these things u enjoy. Be alert, pay attention.
Someone told me to "stop striving and start arriving."!
We all get stuck. You are not alone on that. Consider not looking for reasons to be happy. What I mean is BE happy without any reason. Use the reasons to add to your happiness. It's what you bring to these things u enjoy. Be alert, pay attention.
Someone told me to "stop striving and start arriving."!
Wow. That's some darn good advice.
Though, I personally am still stuck on the be happy without any reason. I don't think I've achieved that yet.
